My biggest eye-opener about marriage was that it doesn’t work by itself, you have to put in the effort to make it work. If you leave it on autopilot, you will soon be in a roommate situation rather than a passionate partnership. I’m sure that wasn’t in the vows, and you signed up for better than that.
Babies may come, bills will pile up, and the trash can will always need emptying. As life unfolds, certain habits can creep in, creating emotional distance and transforming the excitement of shared life into a monotony that resembles living with your college dorm mate instead of your soulmate.
How can you tell if your marriage is losing its spark? Here are the signs/habits to watch for—and what you can do about it.
1. Neglecting Date Nights and ‘State of the Union’ Meetings
If you think communication happens organically, think again. Neglecting to have regular check-ins will quickly disconnect you. Establish a weekly ‘State of the Union’ meeting where you discuss everything from feelings to future plans.
It’s an opportunity to celebrate achievements, address grievances, and set intentions for the week ahead. Approach these meetings like a team huddle: share wins, voice frustrations, and brainstorm solutions together.
2. Creating Separate Living Spaces
We understand that his snoring is making you feel like you are moonlighting as a piglet farmer, but you can’t move out of the bedroom entirely and forever. Adopting habits that lead you to inhabit separate physical and emotional spaces within the same home could be ruining your relationship. Sleeping apart from your spouse will give you great sleep, but you may end up with a less healthy relationship.
Sometimes, one partner claims the living room for video games while the other retreats to the bedroom with a book. This division can turn a once-shared space into two isolated realms, making it feel more like a shared apartment than a cohesive home. Create designated “together spaces” in your home where you can both enjoy activities you love.
3. Letting the Laundry Pile Up
It’s not just about the laundry—it’s what that pile represents. When one partner consistently takes on the burden of household chores while the other remains blissfully unaware, it can lead to feelings of resentment and emotional distance.
When laundry day feels like an unending chore rather than a team effort, the relationship can begin to feel transactional. Instead of letting laundry pile up, turn it into a shared ritual. Set a specific day for laundry where you can sort, fold, and chat while working together. Your household will run more smoothly and you’ll transform a mundane task into an opportunity for bonding.
4. Skipping the Daily Check-Ins
Have you checked in on your spouse since they left this morning? Amid busy lives, couples can sometimes skip the essential daily ritual of checking in with each other. It’s easy to get caught up in schedules and forget to ask, “How was your day?”
When this daily connection fades, partners may start to feel like passing ships rather than committed companions. Set aside a few minutes each day for a “catch-up” session. It could be over coffee in the morning or during dinner prep. Ask specific questions to show genuine interest in your partner’s day.
5. Making Decisions Without Consulting Each Other
When couples begin to make decisions—big or small—without consulting one another, it can create a sense of distance. You bought the couch without asking, or made a weekend commitment without checking his schedule? Unilateral decision-making can make partners feel more like roommates sharing a space than a team working toward a shared life.
Establish a practice of consulting each other on decisions that affect your shared life. Even minor decisions, like what to have for dinner or which movie to watch, can be opportunities for collaboration.
6. Letting Personal Hygiene Slide
It might sound trivial, but when one partner begins to neglect personal hygiene or grooming habits, it can send a subtle message that they don’t care what the other person thinks or feels. Skipping showers or lounging in pajamas for days can lead to a gradual decline in attraction and intimacy.
Do you have a self-care routine? Plan a spa night where you can pamper each other with facials, massages, or even a home-cooked meal. Encourage one another to take pride in personal care. This will boost individual confidence and enhance the attraction and intimacy in the relationship.
7. Treating Conflict as a (Cold) War
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. However, when partners approach disagreements as battles to win rather than opportunities for understanding, it can create a hostile environment. This combative mentality can lead to lingering resentment and emotional withdrawal.
Adopt a collaborative approach to conflict resolution. Focus on finding solutions together rather than placing blame. Use “we” language to emphasize teamwork and prioritize understanding over winning.
8. Stopping Affectionate Rituals
Do you bolt out of the house without a wave? Some couples may let affectionate rituals fade, such as holding hands while walking or kissing goodbye. When these small, loving gestures diminish, they can create emotional distance.
To revive these rituals, make a conscious effort to integrate small acts of love into your daily lives. A quick kiss before heading out or cuddling on the couch during your favorite show serves as a reminder of your emotional bond. Set aside intentional time for physical connection.
9. Allowing Friends to Become a Priority Over Each Other
Friendships are essential, but they shouldn’t take precedence over the relationship. If one partner consistently prioritizes social outings over time with their spouse, the other party will feel neglected.
Set boundaries around social engagements. Create a balance between time spent with friends and time dedicated to each other. Encourage socializing together when possible, inviting friends into your shared space, but also carve out special moments that belong solely to you as a couple.
10. Feeling Apathetic Toward Your Partner
A relationship without a hint of jealousy might sound like the ultimate fairytale, but it’s not all good news. While too much jealousy can be a major relationship buzzkill, having none at all might leave your partner feeling invisible.
Don’t let your partner feel like they’ve slipped down the priority list. It’s great when both partners feel valued and secure. A few playful love notes can go a long way, keeping the connection vibrant and reminding each other just how much you care.
11. Too Much Financial Independence
While being financially independent is fantastic, one partner becoming overly self-sufficient is not good. If you approach finances like a game of tennis rather than basketball, you risk becoming mere roommates rather than partners.
Finding a balance where both partners are involved in financial decisions and sharing goals helps strengthen the partnership. So, instead of going solo on that investment, consider making financial planning a team effort.
12. Having Different Future Plans
When you and your partner are on completely different wavelengths about your future, it can lead to some serious relationship confusion. If one of you is dreaming of a cozy life in the suburbs while the other is eyeing a jet-setting lifestyle, that’s a recipe for disaster.
It’s important to discuss your visions for the future early on and find common ground. Regularly revisiting those dreams ensures you’re both still on the same page, working toward a shared future rather than drifting apart in different directions.
13. Non-existent Bedroom Matters
When the spark in the bedroom fizzles out, it can feel like you’re just sharing a space rather than enjoying a partnership. Intimacy is a crucial part of any romantic relationship, and neglecting it can leave both partners feeling disconnected.
Keep the fire alive by exploring new things together and making a point to prioritize those intimate moments. Plan a romantic getaway or simply turn off the devices and focus on each other.
14. Always Being Mad at Each Other
It can be exhausting if you find yourselves in a perpetual state of irritation. Constantly being mad at each other can turn a once-loving relationship into a battleground, where communication feels more like arguing over who left the socks on the floor.
Instead of letting frustration linger, make a conscious effort to address issues head-on. Learn to focus on the positive side of your spouse and don’t let their little errors run your marriage.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
