Monsters in the closet may have been a childhood myth, but the green-eyed monster in relationships is very real. Jealousy is a disease much like hypertension, and it, too, is the silent killer of relationships.
While overt jealousy is easy to spot, more subtle forms of the emotion can be much more sneaky. They can subtly affect dynamics and behaviors without being noticed right away.
Recognizing the telltale signs of jealousy can help people handle difficult situations with grace and understanding, whether they arise in the workplace, in friendships, or even among family members. How do you know you’re dealing with subtle jealousy?
Check out these secrets of jealousy and learn how to build healthier connections in a world where envy often hides in plain sight.
1. Sabotaging Your Efforts
Picture this: you have planned an elaborate party, or you have a meeting with a very important person who could change the tangent of your life for the better, only to have a “friend” undermine your efforts or try to take away your opportunities.
One of the unmistakable signs of sabotage is a friend spreading rumors about you or withholding information, hindering your progress or success. They may downplay these actions and make it look like they weren’t done on purpose, but repeated behavior will tell you otherwise.
A true friend will always want to support you. You must stay vigilant and identify these repeated behaviors for what they are: calculated attempts to usurp your accomplishments and hard work.
2. Making Snide Remarks
A snide remark is meant to put you down or make you feel bad about even your best efforts. If you put on your gorgeous red lipstick and someone remarks that you look like you ate a live cow, that’s a classic snide remark from a jealous person.
Sarcasm can be a beautiful art and part of speech, but it rears its ugly head when someone directs it toward you in a veiled attempt to undermine your confidence or self-esteem. The snide remarks may be subtle, while others have no qualms about saying nasty things to your face.
How do you deal with snide remarks? Sometimes, no response is the best, but sometimes, standing up for yourself is good. If you feel the need to respond, Psyche Central recommends taking a moment before responding to think about what was said and what you want to say in response. You may also need to set clear boundaries with such people or steer clear of them.
3. Gossiping About You
While gossip might provide a momentary thrill for the gossiper and an even greater one for the eager recipient, being the subject of such chatter is far from enjoyable. When someone consistently spreads unfounded rumors about you behind your back, it often signifies underlying jealousy towards your accomplishments.
What motivates a rumor-monger? Individuals tend to spread rumors about you when they view you as a threat to their status or relationships. Their actions may stem from a desire to undermine you, or they might seek to tarnish the perceptions others have of you.
Gossip speaks volumes about the gossiper more than the subject. Disregarding rumors is one of the most effective methods to address gossip, as it deprives the rumors of the attention they crave, causing them to fade away. If the individual spreading rumors is someone close to you, it might be appropriate to address the issue directly and express your displeasure at being misrepresented.
4. Unhealthy Competitiveness
Competitiveness between peers, especially in academics or work, is good and can help people achieve more than they would have if they did not have someone to gauge themselves against. However, when competitive individuals constantly try to one-up you or compete with you in every aspect of life, they may be running on jealousy fuel.
You will know a person is unhealthily competing with you if they copy everything you do, down to the color of your bathroom tiles. Some people may upend their lives to look exactly like yours to keep you from thinking you’re any better than them, even if that was not your intention.
Sometimes, praising the competition and making them feel good about their achievements makes them see they’re good too, and you’re not trying to be better than them. Competitiveness shows their inner insecurities, and you could subtly encourage them to set their own goals.
5. Backhanded Compliments
Green-eyed individuals who know they’re suffering from a serious case of envy will quickly dish compliments marinated in subtle insults or criticisms. Some will say something like, “Congratulations on the promotion; you’re so lucky your dad is friends with the CEO.”
These compliments are intended to imply that your achievements or talents are not truly deserved. Jealous individuals aim to convey that you are not as capable or deserving of praise as you or others may believe.
The backhanded compliment may largely be due to the jealous person’s insecurities. Bright Side offers great insight into responding to backhanded compliments by ignoring them, changing the subject, or even deflecting them with humor.
6. Dismissing Your Achievements
Kind-hearted individuals genuinely celebrate the achievements of others and offer sincere congratulations for notable accomplishments. If someone within your social circle consistently downplays or dismisses your achievements, it indicates they harbor jealousy towards you.
Instead of recognizing your accomplishments, envious individuals may brush them aside or show indifference. They might minimize your successes to evade confronting their own feelings of inadequacy.
As much as it is wonderful to have others recognize your achievements, being proud of yourself and your achievements first is paramount. Respond to people who downplay your achievements with compassion, and offer them compliments for their achievements.
7. Undermining Your Other Relationships
Stable, loving, and respectful relationships are a significant indicator of success, yet not everyone will share in your joy. If someone consistently undermines your connections with others, they might envy the richness and beauty of those relationships.
If someone is jealous of your relationships, they might attempt to sow seeds of doubt or instigate conflicts between you and your loved ones, aiming to disrupt the stability of your connections. They may be jealous, especially if their relationships aren’t as great.
Having a conversation with them about their jealous behavior will help you understand why they behave that way. If a conversation isn’t possible, avoid taking it personally and try avoiding them to prevent them from ruining your relationships.
8. Withholding Information or Opportunities
Someone envious of you might intentionally refrain from sharing information or opportunities that could be advantageous to you. They may do this either out of spite or to uphold a sense of superiority. Keeping you from accessing opportunities you desperately need makes them feel power over you and keeps you from bragging.
Someone who withholds information or opportunities from you likely does so because they perceive that opportunities come to you effortlessly and that you don’t merit them. Their jealousy may blind them to recognizing the effort you genuinely invest.
It’s important to set boundaries regarding communication and sharing of information and lead by example by demonstrating openness and honesty in your own actions. If necessary, seek assistance from a neutral third party, especially when sharing information is crucial, such as the workplace.
9. Exclusion from Group Activities
When jealousy starts, it’s middle school all over again. A clear indication that someone harbors jealousy towards you within a social circle is their subtle exclusion of you from group activities or conversations. You might notice yourself being sidelined in gatherings, whether at church or in the workplace, even without any apparent justification for the exclusion.
They may do this to assert their dominance or undermine your sense of belonging. You may face such treatment if you have a charismatic personality that draws people to you. The jealous person may feel threatened by you, and your absence means they shine.
Being excluded can feel extremely isolating and lonely, but you don’t have to wallow in self-pity when left out. Instead, Science of People suggests finding other things that interest you, making invitations to your friends, or going on a date by yourself.
10. Excessive Monitoring or Snooping
In these days of social media, everyone is stalking everyone, but we all aren’t stalking for the same reason. If someone is jealous of your relationships or success, they may excessively monitor your activities and even invade your privacy by snooping through your belongings.
While some individuals resort to electronic devices for snooping, many others meticulously scrutinize your social media activity, secretly monitoring each update with the underlying intention of comparing their own life to yours, gauging whether yours appears more fulfilling or successful than theirs.
To avoid having your personal life spied on, you may try cutting back on how much of it you share on social media. Also, avoid sharing personal life or achievements with others, especially if they aren’t making the same progress.
11. Exaggerated Reactions to Your Success
Imagine sharing exciting news about your success only to be met with exaggerated negativity or resentment. Sharing news when you receive recognition is a momentous occasion, but jealous people can not bring themselves to be happy for you.
Your achievements may highlight their feelings of inadequacy, leading to the negativity expressed. Jealous people could also react badly to your good news if your achievement overrides their best achievement.
Avoid further sharing good news with an individual if they have reacted negatively to your good news before. You may also choose only to share personal news with people who are close to you and who have a track record of being happy for you.
12. Excessive Flattery
While genuine compliments are healthy, excessive flattery could indicate jealousy. Some people may shower you with compliments to mask their envy. The compliment overdose hides what they’re truly thinking, and if you don’t see through the facade, you may believe them.
Overdoing compliments may also be meant to manipulate you into seeking their approval. Due to their own insecurities, they may think you feed off the compliments [like they do] and pander to them. The compliments may soon become insults if the desired results aren’t achieved.
Accept compliments with grace and even offer a compliment and say something nice to them. You do not have to downgrade yourself to make the compliment look untrue, even if you can tell it’s grossly exaggerated.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
