Do you remember being chastised by your mom or grandma for resting your elbows on the dinner table? Or being told you had to dress business casual to travel on an airplane? These long-standing rules might stir up memories from years past.
Etiquette—those stuffy rules about acting “properly”—can feel incredibly outdated these days. Sure, some basic manners are always nice, but who decides that a firm handshake proves competence or that women shouldn’t order the steak? Many old-school rules of etiquette just don’t make sense anymore.
You’re not alone if these silly ideas make you roll your eyes. Let’s ditch these 15 outdated etiquette rules and embrace a world where kindness and comfort matter more than rigid formalities.
1. “Elbows off the table!”
This rule had roots in preventing unruly table behavior in crowded dining situations. However, it evolved into an overly restrictive expectation, implying that resting your elbows, even for a moment during a conversation, was a sign of poor breeding.
Modern dining focuses less on rigid posture and more on connecting with the people you’re sharing a meal with. Strict, arbitrary rules can create an unnecessarily tense atmosphere.
Focus on the basics – don’t chew with your mouth open, be considerate of others’ space, and participate in the conversation. Posture matters less than genuine engagement!
2. “Ladies must order the ‘lighter’ menu items.”
This expectation is rooted in harmful gender stereotypes that women should be dainty eaters. It denies women the freedom to enjoy their food without judgment or assumptions about their appetites.
This rule also perpetuates unhealthy ideas about women’s bodies and the types of foods deemed “acceptable” for them. Thankfully, societal attitudes are evolving, although subtle versions of this bias can linger.
Order what sounds truly delicious! Focus on savoring your food and the company, not outdated gender expectations around eating. Support restaurants with diverse menus that don’t perpetuate these stereotypes.
3. “Passing dishes only to the left/right”
Such specific rules were a hallmark of overly formal dining, adding unnecessary rigidity to a meal that should be enjoyable. While well-intentioned, they can actually slow things down.
The emphasis on formality over function misses the point of sharing a meal communally. Focusing on elaborate passing protocols can distract from savoring food and conversation.
Pass dishes in the most convenient way! If someone right across from you asks for the bread, don’t make it travel around the entire table. Prioritize ease and efficiency.
4. “Don’t start eating until everyone is served.”
In an ideal world, everyone would be served simultaneously. But that’s often unrealistic, especially at larger gatherings. Holding off for the sake of an old rule leads to cold food and needlessly delays everyone’s enjoyment.
While it’s a polite thought, rigid adherence to this rule can actually create a negative experience for everyone. If someone’s plate is delayed, it’s unfair to make everyone else wait.
If you’re the host, focus on getting everyone’s food out with minimal delay. Otherwise, encourage guests to “please, dig in!” once most of the dishes are on the table, and graciously serve any stragglers as soon as possible.
5. “You must finish everything on your plate.”
This stems from times of scarcity when wasting food wasn’t an option and the idea that it’s rude to the cook. Now, we understand the importance of listening to our body’s hunger cues and the health risks of overeating.
Overriding your natural sense of fullness can lead to unhealthy eating habits and associations of guilt or shame with food.
Start with smaller portions and be mindful of your hunger levels as you eat. Politely decline if offered more when you’re truly satisfied. Box up leftovers for later rather than forcing yourself to eat past fullness.
6. “Men must always open doors and pull out chairs for women.”
This “chivalrous” tradition reinforces outdated gender roles where women are seen as weaker or in need of assistance. It ignores the reality that women are perfectly capable of opening their own doors!
While the intention behind these gestures is often polite, they unintentionally send a message that men must performatively “take care” of women in simple everyday tasks.
Practice common courtesy for everyone – hold the door for the person behind you, offer assistance if someone’s struggling (regardless of gender), and trust people to be capable of basic things like pulling out their own chair.
7. “Never discuss politics, religion, or money in polite company.”
While you probably don’t want to derail a dinner party with a heated debate, avoiding these topics entirely keeps things superficial and stifles the potential for understanding different perspectives.
This idea was born from a desire to avoid conflict, particularly in Victorian-era social circles. But constructive dialogue, when engaged respectfully, can be enlightening.
First, gauge your audience and the setting. If a deeper conversation seems possible, lead with curiosity rather than judgment. Be willing to listen and agree to disagree if things get heated. Know when to gracefully disengage if the conversation turns combative.
8. “A formal handshake must be firm to show strength.”
The bone-crushing handshake became a power play symbolizing confidence, particularly in business. However, it often creates discomfort rather than respect.
Equating firmness with competence can perpetuate harmful stereotypes, particularly for women navigating male-dominated workplaces.
Opt for a comfortable, medium-pressure handshake that conveys respect and professionalism without causing a wince! Focus on warmth and eye contact over brute force.
9. “You must dress up for flights or fancy restaurants.”
Once upon a time, air travel and high-end dining were considered special occasions deserving of formal attire. Today, comfort and personal expression are thankfully gaining higher priority in these settings.
While some restaurants still have dress codes for a specific ambiance, many no longer do. Air travel has also become far more accessible, focusing on getting you safely to your destination, not your fashion choices.
Dress in a way that makes you feel confident and comfortable. If the occasion genuinely calls for formal wear, then, by all means, embrace it! But if not, stylish loungewear or neat jeans beat being constricted in a suit if that’s not your style.
10. “Younger people must always defer to their elders.”
This stems from an era of rigid hierarchies where youth were ‘seen and not heard,’ often regardless of the validity of their ideas. Demanding respect based on age alone is unproductive.
Age does not guarantee wisdom. Everyone, regardless of age, deserves basic courtesy. Younger folks can hold fresh, valuable perspectives that older individuals might have overlooked.
Be courteous to everyone, but don’t assume someone deserves automatic deference solely because they are older. Disagree respectfully if needed, valuing the strength of the idea over the age of the person who said it.
11. “Thank you notes must be handwritten.”
While handwritten notes have a personal touch, they’re not the only way to express gratitude. In a fast-paced world, promptness often matters more than penmanship.
Handwritten notes were once the gold standard, demonstrating that you invested time and effort into your thanks. Today, other forms of communication are often faster and equally appreciated.
Express gratitude promptly! A sincere, timely email or text message is far better than a handwritten note that arrives weeks late. If you have time and enjoy writing, handwritten notes are always lovely.
12. “Formal invitations must be mailed.”
Beautifully printed invitations hold sentimental value but aren’t always the most practical or eco-friendly option. Digital invitations have become widely accepted.
Formal mailed invites symbolized prestige and added an air of importance to an event. Today, we realize the practicality of quickly disseminating information outweighs tradition.
Choose the method that best suits your event! For truly formal occasions (like weddings), mailed invitations might still be a nice touch. But for most gatherings, well-designed digital invites are efficient, convenient, and help reduce paper waste.
13. “Never use emojis or informal language in professional emails.”
Rigid ‘professionalism’ in writing can come across as cold and outdated. Judicious use of emojis and a more conversational tone can build rapport, particularly with established colleagues.
Professional communication once demanded a level of formality that bordered on impersonal. However, building a work culture based on genuine connections allows for more human expression.
Err on the side of professionalism when writing to clients or new contacts. With colleagues you know well, a friendly tone and the occasional (well-placed!) emoji can strengthen your work relationships.
14. “You must be available to work beyond standard hours.”
This mentality fosters overwork and burnout. Unless your job specifically involves on-call shifts, employers shouldn’t expect you to be accessible 24/7.
This stems from a “hustle culture” that glorifies sacrificing everything for work. Thankfully, awareness of work-life balance is improving, but lingering expectations remain.
Set boundaries! Unless it’s an emergency, don’t respond to emails outside work hours. Communicate your availability clearly and protect your time.
15. “Never bring your emotions to work.”
This is dehumanizing! Expecting people to operate like robots suppresses authenticity and can harm mental health.
This mentality was rooted in outdated ideas about ‘professionalism.’ While there’s a time and place for expressing emotions, expecting people to suppress them at work completely can have serious consequences.
Embrace being human! It’s OK to feel frustration, joy, or even sadness at work sometimes. Share appropriately with trusted colleagues or seek support from HR if needed. Managers should also encourage a safe space for healthy emotional expression.
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With an honors degree in financial engineering, Omega Ukama deeply understands finance. Before pursuing journalism, he honed his skills at a private equity firm, giving him invaluable real-world experience. This combination of financial literacy and journalistic flair allows him to translate complex financial matters into clear and concise insights for his readers.
With an honors degree in financial engineering, Omega Ukama deeply understands finance. Before pursuing journalism, he honed his skills at a private equity firm, giving him invaluable real-world experience. This combination of financial literacy and journalistic flair allows him to translate complex financial matters into clear and concise insights for his readers.
