Who hasn’t worried for a moment how they look in the eyes of others? While the desire to be seen as a decent human is good, letting it consume you is unhealthy.
Are you constantly seeking validation and approval from others? It’s natural to seek acceptance from those around us, and it’s good to receive it. However, it can become overwhelming, inducing a sense of anxiety and fear, if you’re stuck wondering what others think of you.
If this has been your recent situation, you’re not doomed. Psychologists say growing up with little emotional support is a major contributing factor to craving validation. The good news is that there are simple and effective ways to train your mind to care less about others. So, let’s dive in!
1. Recognize That You Can’t Please Everyone
You’re not an avocado; you can’t please everyone. Trying to please everyone is a losing game. The constant effort can be exhausting and lead to feelings of inadequacy— as there will always be someone who thinks you’re not good enough.
Instead, focus on what is important to you and prioritize your own needs and desires. Learn to say no to requests that do not align with your values or priorities. Remember that your well-being and happiness should be your primary concern.
2. Focus On Your Values And Beliefs
You will run out of breath trying to align yourself with everyone who wants to control you unless you focus on your own values and belief system. Understanding your values and beliefs clearly can help you make decisions that align with your personal and professional goals. If your values change over time, it’s OK—own them.
Reflect on what matters most to you and what you stand for. This may involve identifying your core values, such as honesty, integrity, and compassion, and using them as a foundation for decision-making. When you are clear on your values and beliefs, it becomes easier to make choices that are true to yourself, even if they may not be popular or well-received by others.
3. Stop Seeking Validation From Others
Today, people live for the “likes” and “loves” on social media; a post without comments is like a life sentence to an unpopular jail. Depending on others for validation can be a slippery slope that can lead to dependence and disappointment. You will soak your pillow every night when the validation doesn’t come. Instead, focus on validating yourself and your feelings and experiences.
Learn to trust yourself and your intuition, and make decisions based on what feels right to you. This may involve letting go of the need for external validation, such as likes on social media or praise from others. Remember that you are worthy and deserving of love and respect, regardless of what others may think or say.
4. Practice Self-compassion
You have to be kind to yourself in the race to care less about what others think. This means acknowledging your limitations and imperfections and treating yourself with patience and empathy. Nobody is perfect; some people are excellent at hiding faults and advertising their achievements.
Self-compassion can help you to build resilience and bounce back from adversity. Don’t beat yourself up excessively and call yourself names when you make a mistake. Extend the same grace to yourself that you most likely extend to others.
5. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
Your social network can significantly impact your well-being and sense of self-worth. If you’re surrounded by people who rarely see anything good in you, one rare nod from them will be feeling like gods are smiling at you. You may end up living for the next approval.
Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you and share your values and beliefs. Seek friends and mentors who can guide, support, and help you achieve your personal and professional goals. Remember that it is okay to distance yourself from people who bring you down or make you feel insecure and that you deserve to be surrounded by people who empower you.
6. Take Criticism Constructively
Sometimes, it helps to care what people say about you, as long as it’s meant to make you better. Criticism can be difficult to hear but can also be an opportunity to learn and grow. When receiving criticism, try to remain open and receptive and avoid becoming defensive or dismissive.
Focus on the specific feedback and how you can use it to improve rather than taking it as a personal attack. Remember that constructive criticism can help you become a better version of yourself and that nobody is perfect.
7. Embrace Your Uniqueness
Can you imagine how boring life would be if we were all the same? OK. You should celebrate what makes you different and embrace your individuality.
Instead of trying to fit in or conform to societal norms, focus on expressing your true self and living authentically. This may involve exploring your passions, hobbies, and interests and pursuing them without fear of judgment or rejection. Remember that your uniqueness makes you special and that embracing it can lead to greater self-confidence and fulfillment.
8. Limit Social Media And Its Pressures
Everyone is doing well on social media, and staying there too long can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. People are also quite mean there and will not hesitate to spill venom while hiding behind anonymity. Do not grieve over a mean comment from a pseudo or real account.
Social media is often just a highlight reel of people’s lives, and that is often far from the truth. Consider limiting your use of social media or taking a break from it altogether. As mentioned, remember that likes or followers do not determine your worth and value and that you deserve love and respect regardless of what others may think or say.
9. Remember, We’re all Human and Prone to Error
Everyone has their own insecurities and struggles; you are not alone in your feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy. The people whose opinions you’re worried about and craving may also be dealing with similar issues. Be kind and understanding to others, and remember that everyone deserves love and respect, regardless of their flaws or imperfections.
Mistakes are a wonderful part of growth, we can’t avoid them. You may feel like hiding under your bed and never showing your face again, but people may not even be looking at the mistake with the magnitude you are.
10. Take Control of Your Emotions
You may need to accept that things are outside your control, such as what goes on in other people’s minds. Accepting this can be liberating and help you release unnecessary worry and stress. People will always talk, and sometimes, there’s little you can do about it.
Focus on what you can control, such as your own actions and reactions, and let go of the need to control others or external circumstances. Remember that letting go of control can empower you to focus on what truly matters.
11. Don’t Overthink It
You may see everyone talking or laughing about you, but sometimes, it may be all in your head. If you focus too much on it, it will seem true even when it isn’t. Take your mind off the idea that everyone knows your failures and is talking about you.
Ask yourself, “Is it true and real?” Most of the time, you will find that people aren’t thinking about you in the magnitude you imagined they were. They’re likely occupied with their own worries and concerns.
12. Find Ways to Boost Your Confidence
Low self-esteem and confidence may be the reason you care so much about what others think. Remember to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. This will help to boost your self-confidence and motivation.
Set goals and milestones for yourself, and reward yourself when you achieve them. Even small steps and progress are worth celebrating. Recognizing your accomplishments can help you to stay motivated and focused on your personal and professional goals.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
