12 Traditional Etiquette Rules That Are Past Their Prime

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Etiquette once ruled our lives in ways that might make today’s generation raise an eyebrow—or both. Entire books were written about how to address someone by their rank, how to walk, and how to pour tea without scandalizing society.

It provided predictability, decorum, and a sense of belonging in social circles. However, many of these rules have aged as gracefully as a 1970s avocado-colored kitchen. While some classic etiquette rules have a timeless charm, others feel like outdated relics from another era.

Here’s a look at some of these customs that could use a little loosening up—or be retired altogether.

1. No Elbows on the Table

Once upon a time, this rule was an essential marker of table manners, born from the need to conserve space and prevent the table from tipping over. Today, most tables can hold their own against an elbow or two, yet the rule persists as if leaning slightly would spell catastrophe.

While there’s nothing wrong with sitting upright and avoiding a full sprawl, a relaxed elbow on the table no longer signifies a descent into social ruin. If you’re mid-story and an elbow helps you engage more enthusiastically, go ahead; the table can take it.

2. Men Should Always Walk on the Left Side

The reasoning was practical: by walking on the left, a man could keep his sword sheathed on his left hip, allowing for quick access while also preventing accidental harm to the person walking beside him. Today’s equivalent would be the sidewalk rule.

In today’s world, this rule feels outdated and unnecessary. With swords largely relegated to the pages of history, the logic behind this positioning has faded. You can now relax and walk side by side, without strict regard for who’s on which side, unless, of course, someone really prefers the left side.

3. Wearing White Only Between Memorial Day and Labor Day

This old-school rule may have originated from a time when lighter, cooler fabrics were preferred in hot summer months. But it has outlived its practical relevance. In today’s fashion world, wearing white in the winter is considered as stylish as it is in the summer.

Seasonal colors and fabrics are now more about personal preference than social mandates. Fashion should be an expression of individuality, not an adherence to dated timelines. If someone feels like donning white in the middle of January, who’s to say they shouldn’t?

4. Addressing Married Women by Their Husband’s Name

There was a time when referring to a married woman by her husband’s name (e.g., “Mrs. John Smith”) was not just polite but expected. However, times and ideas about identity and individuality within a marriage have changed.

Many women prefer to be addressed by their own first names rather than assuming their spouse’s. Women are increasingly establishing their careers and personal achievements– there’s little need to relegate them to “Mrs. John.”

5. Standing Whenever a Woman Enters the Room

Standing for a woman used to be a sign of respect, but nowadays, it can feel a bit outdated or even awkward for some. It harks back to a time when women were seen as delicate and needing special treatment.

We show respect through simple actions like making eye contact and offering a seat if necessary. So, standing up when a woman enters might feel more like putting on a show than a genuine act of politeness.

6. Passing the Salt and Pepper Together

Traditionally, passing salt and pepper together was a gesture of hospitality, making both seasonings readily available. While this custom is charming, it feels outdated in casual settings. People often have specific preferences—some may want only pepper, while others might skip it entirely.

There’s a more relaxed dining atmosphere nowadays, and the focus is on comfort and personal taste. So, if someone asks for salt, feel free to hand it over solo! Sharing a meal is all about connection, not strictly following every etiquette rule.

7. Men Removing Their Hats Indoors

The rule that men should remove their hats upon entering a building dates back to when hats were worn for practicality, such as protection from the elements. Removing it indoors was seen as a sign of respect. Hats have become fashion statements, and in many cases, people feel more comfortable keeping them on indoors.

Most people won’t blink if you keep your hat on in a casual setting. Respect is more about actions and words than whether someone keeps their cap on indoors.

8. Silverware Position Signals

In formal dining etiquette, the positioning of silverware on a plate conveyed messages about whether a diner was finished with their meal or still enjoying it. For instance, placing the knife and fork parallel with the handles at four o’clock signaled that you were done while crossing them indicated you were still eating.

Most people don’t pay much attention to these silverware signals, especially in casual settings where communication tends to be more direct. A simple “I’m done” or “May I have the check?” suffices.

9. Men Should Always Pay the Bill

That ship has sailed. Men footing the bills all the time was once seen as a mark of masculinity and chivalry, reflecting the notion that men were the providers and women were the recipients of that generosity.

This expectation feels increasingly outdated in today’s world of equality and shared responsibilities. Everyone can contribute, regardless of gender.

10. The “Ladies First” Tradition

The classic “ladies first” rule suggests that men should always let women go ahead in various situations, from entering a room or service at the restaurant to crossing the street. What started as a gesture of politeness can sometimes feel a little dated in today’s more equal landscape.

Nowadays, many prefer a more relaxed approach where anyone can take the lead, depending on the situation. People now embrace a mindset of equality. After all, holding the door or stepping into a conversation with a little mutual respect goes a long way.

11. One Side of the Family Pays for the Wedding

The old tradition that one side of the family, usually the bride’s, pays for the wedding is a relic from the days of marriage as a family business deal. While it might have made sense back then, today it can feel more like a financial burden.

These days, couples are flipping the script by sharing the costs or even footing the bill themselves. It’s much more fun to focus on planning a celebration that reflects their style rather than adhering to outdated customs. The only thing that should break at a wedding is the dance floor, not the bank.

12. Using “Dear Sir/Madam” in Correspondence

The formal greeting “Dear Sir/Madam” has been a staple of professional correspondence for ages, but it’s starting to feel a bit stuffy. It may have once been the gold standard for respectful communication, but it often comes off as impersonal and a tad robotic.

Using someone’s name or a friendly greeting like “Hi there” or “Hello” makes your message feel more genuine and engaging. A little warmth in our communication can go a long way—making your correspondence more inviting and relatable.

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