Some in-laws are a delight, but others make you wonder if the “for worse” part of the vows referenced them specifically. You can avoid them for the better part of the year, but once the holidays come around, you’ll have to fight a battle of wits and endurance. It can be a lot, but it doesn’t have to be.
With a little patience and the occasional biting of your tongue, you can breeze through the season without breaking a sweat. It’s the holidays—we should be celebrating, not surviving. Although there will likely be awkward moments and eye-roll-worthy conversations, it’s important to focus on finding joy in the little moments.
Here are the strategies you need to navigate the holiday season with the in-laws in town.
1. Set Boundaries Early
Setting boundaries might sound a little stiff, but it’s your armor on this holiday battlefield. Discuss with your partner beforehand about what you’re comfortable with and what crosses the line.
For example, if Aunt Susan loves to comment on your career or personal life, talk to your partner about how to handle it. Preemptively addressing potential issues means you won’t be caught off guard when the uncomfortable questions start flying.
2. Show Genuine Interest
Don’t just sit there looking like you’re next in the dentist’s waiting room. Showing genuine interest in others during family gatherings can make a world of difference. People can sense when you’re truly engaged in a conversation versus just going through the motions.
Ask thoughtful questions, listen actively, and show you care about what they’re saying. From their latest hobby to work or how their kids are doing, taking the time to listen will help build connections and make everyone feel valued.
3. Compromise and Manage Expectations
Holiday traditions are like recipes: everyone thinks theirs is the best. You’ve got your family’s way of doing things, and your in-laws have theirs, and neither one is willing to budge. This is where compromise comes in.
Instead of insisting on doing things your way, find a way to blend both traditions. Maybe it means having two dinners or swapping family visits. The goal is not to win but to create new traditions together. The best compromise is being flexible and open to trying things you wouldn’t usually choose.
4. Stay Cool Under Pressure
Holiday family gatherings can get tense. With multiple people, conflicting personalities, and perhaps a bit too much mulled wine, things can spiral out of control faster than you’d expect.
The key to surviving these moments is staying cool. If someone starts pushing your buttons, resist the urge to retaliate. Take a deep breath, change the subject, or walk away. Sometimes, just sitting back and observing the chaos unfolding around you can be oddly comforting.
5. Prepare for Family Curiosity
Family curiosity can sometimes feel like a cross-examination. From questions about your job to prying into your personal life, it’s easy to feel like you’re in the hot seat. The best approach is to have a few standard answers ready to deflect the deeper dives.
This is your chance to steer the conversation into safer waters—ask them about their lives instead. That way, you keep things light, and the focus is off you. Don’t feel the need to answer everything. It’s okay to be vague or even to politely deflect with a smile.
6. Tackle Tradition with Humor
Family traditions, for better or worse, are a staple of every holiday gathering. Some traditions are downright ridiculous. Maybe it’s the holiday games, the incessant retelling of embarrassing family stories, or an unspoken rule about who gets to carve the turkey.
Rather than grimacing through them, lean into the absurdity. Humor is the best way to diffuse awkwardness. Making light of these traditions doesn’t mean you’re disrespecting them; it means you’re embracing the holiday chaos with a smile.
7. Bring Your Own “Go-To” Dish
There’s always that one dish everyone loves at family gatherings—Aunt Joan’s famous pie or your mother-in-law’s mashed potatoes. But what if you’re not thrilled by any of the options on the table? If you’re confident in your culinary skills, bring something you know will be a hit.
You will make a mark and show you’re contributing to the meal. Bringing a dish also gives you an instant connection to the table. It shows you’re part of the team.
8. Find the Escape Route Early
Sometimes, the best way to enjoy a holiday gathering is knowing when to step away. Giving yourself a break when things get too overwhelming can make all the difference. Retreating to the kitchen to “help” or finding a quiet spot in another room can provide the mental space you need.
Having an exit strategy is key. Finding an escape route or sneaking out doesn’t mean you’re running away, it just means you’re taking a mental timeout. This allows you to recharge before jumping back into the fray.
9. Don’t Engage in the Sibling Rivalry Games
Sibling dynamics can be one of the trickiest parts of any family holiday gathering. There’s always someone who feels left out, someone who’s trying too hard, and someone who seems to be playing a passive-aggressive game of “who can be the favorite.”
Don’t get sucked into this drama, stay neutral. Play the role of a friendly observer, and don’t take sides. You don’t need to defend anyone or call out the tension. Let them work it out while you enjoy your meal or conversation with others.
10. Offer Help, But Know When to Back Off
Offering help during a family gathering can be a great way to feel involved, but it’s easy to go overboard. You don’t need to do everything—remember, you’re there to enjoy yourself too. Help where it feels natural, like setting the table or bringing out appetizers.
However, don’t get caught in the trap of trying to organize everything. You’re not in charge, and that’s perfectly fine. Know when to step back and let others take the lead. If you’re jumping in too much, it can cause friction with others who want to help.
11. Give the Gift of Silence When Needed
Silence can be an underrated tool during family gatherings. There’s always that moment when conversations turn uncomfortable or someone brings up a topic that no one really wants to discuss. Smile and nod.
Rather than stepping in with awkward comments or unnecessary commentary, sometimes it’s best to just let silence do the work. A gentle nod or a well-timed smile can speak volumes. If the conversation takes a strange turn, you don’t have to engage. Just let it roll off your shoulders.
12. Mind the “Wine Talk”
Holiday dinners often involve plenty of wine, and while a glass (or two) can loosen up the conversation, it’s important to remember that there’s a fine line between enjoying a drink and oversharing.
As the alcohol flows, so do embarrassing stories and personal opinions, and that’s when things can get uncomfortable. Keep an eye on your drink intake, sip responsibly, and know your limits.
13. Don’t Overdo the Complaints
Nothing good comes out of complaining in life or at your mother-in-law’s dinner table. It’s easy to fall into the trap of complaining about everything that’s wrong with the holiday. But too many complaints will bring down the mood for everyone. Focus on what’s going well and try to keep any gripes to yourself.
If something really does bother you, limit yourself to a quick, light-hearted comment. Most of the time, your best option is to let the little annoyances slide. A positive attitude can make even the most uncomfortable holiday gathering much more bearable.
14. Be Grateful
Showing gratitude for your in-laws can transform the holiday experience. Acknowledge the effort they’ve put into hosting, preparing food, or just showing up with their colorful personalities. A heartfelt “thank you,” or a well-timed compliment can strengthen your connection.
Gratitude helps you focus on the positives instead of minor annoyances. Showing respect and appreciation creates a more welcoming and enjoyable atmosphere for everyone.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
