I recall being on a coffee date with someone who had hurt me and, during our chat, wondering, “Why am I still spending time with this person?” They weren’t a terrible person—well, not all the time—but our relationship had turned into a vicious cycle, and I found myself constantly apologizing, even when they were in the wrong. (Okay, maybe they were terrible.)
Some relationships reach a stage where they cause more harm than good, like holding onto an old suitcase with a broken zipper. It’s falling apart, making things harder than they need to be, and you’re just worn out. The challenge is figuring out when it’s time to set that suitcase down and finally walk away.
It’s tough to step back from friendships where we’ve invested time and emotions, but longevity doesn’t always mean loyalty. Sometimes, things won’t improve just by sticking around longer. It’s perfectly okay to create some space for your own peace of mind.
Here are the tell-tale signs that it’s time to put the suitcase down for good.
1. They Drain Your Energy
Do you ever leave conversations with this person feeling completely wiped out? If every interaction leaves you mentally exhausted instead of uplifted, that’s a strong sign. If every interaction leaves you mentally drained, you can be sure that something is off.
Protect your mental space. Relationships should bring a sense of balance and joy. You don’t need to always feel like you’re low on blood sugar.
2. They Disregard Your Boundaries
Boundaries are there for a reason. If someone consistently disregards them—be it your need for space, time, or emotional limits—it reflects a lack of respect. Occasional missteps can happen, but if they occur regularly, something is amiss.
We all deserve to have our limits honored, and when someone oversteps them, it erodes trust. It’s not selfish to want your boundaries to be respected—it’s necessary for healthy relationships.
3. They Never Take Accountability
If someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions, always deflecting blame or offering excuses, it’s a red flag. Nobody’s perfect, but acknowledging and learning from mistakes is a key part of personal growth.
In a relationship where you’re always the one stepping up while they brush off their faults, it can start to feel one-sided. That imbalance can wear you down over time.
4. They Only Contact You When They Need Something
Do you only hear from them when they need a favor or emotional support? It might feel like you’re on call for their convenience, and that’s exhausting. A healthy relationship is about mutual support, not being someone’s fridge or medicine cabinet.
When it feels like you’re doing all the giving, it’s natural to grow resentful. It’s okay to expect more balance, where both of you give and take in equal measure.
5. You Don’t Feel Safe Sharing Your True Self
True friendships are about sharing your story and trusting that they won’t spread it across the mountains, over the hills, and everywhere. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide parts of who you are.
You should feel comfortable being yourself without fear of judgment or criticism. A relationship where you can’t be your authentic self is worth rethinking.
6. They Create Unnecessary Drama and Conflict
Does it seem like there’s always some form of drama or conflict swirling around this person? Some people just love stirring the pot, and if you’re constantly getting caught in the crossfire, it’s time to reevaluate their role in your life.
Drama and conflict drain your emotional energy. Distancing yourself from those who thrive on chaos protects your sanity.
7. You’ve Outgrown the Relationship
Sometimes, you outgrow your skinny jeans, and other times, you find you’ve outgrown people. It’s natural to grow and change over time, but not all of our relationships evolve with us.
If a relationship feels stagnant and no longer aligns with your personal growth, it’s okay to acknowledge that it’s time to move on. It’s time to create some distance and make room for what aligns with your current self.
8. They Make You Doubt Yourself
Do you find yourself doubting your decisions or self-worth after spending time with them? Healthy relationships build you up. You deserve to be around people who lift you, not ones who sow seeds of doubt in your mind.
Subtle digs, manipulative behavior, or gaslighting can slowly erode your confidence. It’s not always obvious, but it’s worth paying attention to if you find yourself frequently leaving conversations feeling worse about yourself.
9. They Don’t Celebrate Your Success
Have you ever shared good news with someone only to be met with indifference or jealousy? When someone can’t be happy for your wins—or worse, tries to one-up you—it might signal some unresolved issues on their part.
Surround yourself with people who are genuinely happy for you. Success is sweeter when shared with those who truly support you.
10. They Encourage Unhealthy Behavior
Does this person bring out your bad habits or encourage you to neglect your responsibilities? That’s a bad friend, and it may be time to ditch them.
Someone who truly cares about you will want the best for you—not someone who feeds into your self-destructive tendencies. Choosing friends who lift and push you toward being a better, you is key to a healthy life.
11. They’re Emotionally Unavailable
If someone is distant or unresponsive when you try to connect emotionally, you may feel unfulfilled. Emotional availability is crucial for a relationship to thrive. If you’re not getting that, you may feel lonely.
Emotionally unavailable people can hold you back from the emotional depth and growth of a healthy relationship. Be with people who match your emotional energy and availability.
12. They Undermine Your Goals
Does your friend downplay your dreams or pour water on your passion? They’re not rooting for you. A true friend will support your ambitions and cheer you on, not make your goals and vision look stupid.
Distance is sometimes necessary to protect your dreams and ensure that the people around you are genuinely supportive. Don’t lose focus of where you’re going, even if this means dumping some baggage.
13. You Feel Unhappy
Happiness isn’t overrated. It might sound simple, but if thoughts about the relationship give you grief or sadness rather than joy, that’s all the sign you need. Life’s too short to stay connected to someone who consistently makes you unhappy.
If a relationship doesn’t add to your joy, it’s a sign it may be time to let go. Just make sure there aren’t other issues that may be making you feel that way before you lose a good friend.
14. They’re Always Competing With You
Does your friend constantly try to outdo you or turn everything into a competition? What should be a mutual celebration turns into a rivalry, with them trying to overshadow your achievements.
This competitive mindset can create tension, making interactions feel like a race rather than a supportive exchange. In healthy friendships, both parties lift each other up rather than focusing on who’s ahead.
17 Personal Things to Never Share With Anyone
More than half the world is online, so sharing endless information with others seems like the default setting. You log in online, and in a minute, you know where your old high school buddy is holidaying, how much a friend’s wedding ring costs, and you have a virtual tour of your sister-in-law’s friend’s home from room to room.
While sharing some information, whether online or in person, can sometimes be beneficial, certain information should be kept private for your safety.
17 Personal Things to Never Share With Anyone
15 Key Questions for Strengthening a Relationship
So, whether you’re newly coupled or have been together for decades, get ready for a question-inspired adventure! These prompts are designed to ignite meaningful conversations, laughter, and perhaps even surprising revelations that strengthen your relationship.
15 Key Questions for Strengthening a Relationship
14 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Unhealthy Relationship
Have some recent (or past) behaviors left you wondering if you’re dealing with an emotionally toxic partner? Are you looking to make informed decisions about your relationship? Here are 14 red flags to watch out for.
14 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Unhealthy Relationship
I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.