Toxic and positive don’t sound like they should be mentioned together, but toxic positivity is a thing. You have probably read a book or article recently that encouraged you to “Stay positive” or “Look on the bright side,” even when the “bright side” looks like a weird shade of gray to you lately. It’s the unofficial motto of self-help books, motivational speakers, and maybe even that one overly enthusiastic friend from college.
Unfortunately, life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, and pretending it is can sometimes do more harm than good. There’s something undeniably exhausting about feeling like you have to be upbeat all the time. We need to acknowledge life’s challenges to keep ourselves grounded and respect our emotions.
A sunny outlook can brighten your day, but it might also cast shadows on reality. Here’s a look at why perpetual cheerfulness can trip us up more than we think.
1. It Negates the Importance of Negative Emotions
As humans, we experience a full range of emotions, including negative ones like sadness, anger, and fear. Constantly striving for positivity dismisses the importance of these feelings in our emotional well-being.
Negative emotions serve a purpose. They can help us recognize problems and motivate us to make changes. Trying to push them away only leads to a lack of emotional balance.
2. It Makes You Guilty for Feeling Sad
Have you ever felt guilty for not being a little chipper? You’re not alone in the quest to “smile through the tears.” The pressure to maintain a cheerful facade can make you feel like a failure for experiencing sadness, frustration, or even depression.
Allow yourself to feel blue sometimes. Don’t wallow in it, but don’t suppress it either. Ditching that guilt opens the door to honesty and emotional freedom.
3. It Causes Shallow Conversations
When everyone is focused on staying positive, conversations can become as deep as a puddle. Real relationships thrive on honesty and vulnerability. However, when we can’t dive into the messiness of life because we should be staying positive, there can’t be authentic connections.
Swap those surface-level pleasantries for some real talk. You might be surprised by the meaningful friendships waiting to be formed.
4. It Stunts Personal Growth
Chasing constant positivity can stunt your personal development. Real growth often emerges from grappling with challenges and learning from them. Embracing your flaws and fears is crucial for evolving into the best version of yourself.
Don’t skim over problems– address them head-on. Those uncomfortable moments are often where the most valuable lessons lie.
5. It Creates Emotional Clutter
Shoving negative emotions under the rug can leave you with a hoard of feelings that rivals an episode of a reality show. Over time, that clutter will trip you up. Acknowledging those feelings gives them the space they deserve and clears the way for improved emotional health.
It’s like spring cleaning for your soul. Letting go of all that baggage feels incredibly freeing.
6. It Can Drain Your Energy
All the fake smiling will surely hurt your muscles. The energy spent maintaining a front can leave you emotionally and mentally exhausted.
Stop striving for an unattainable ideal and embrace life as it comes. Life has its highs and lows, even if the lows seem to be winning lately. The sun will rise again, but wishing the clouds away won’t hasten it.
7. It Creates Isolation
People who are struggling will not want to be around you who are always “winning.” If you’re always smiling and saying everything’s fine, friends might hesitate to share their struggles. They might think they’ll bring you down or that they’re weird for having problems.
It may also mean you avoid people when you’re feeling less than stoked about everything. Being real about your feelings encourages others to do the same.
8. It Can Heighten Anxiety
The pressure to be positive all the time can lead to increased anxiety. Being expected to smile through struggles can create internal conflict, causing you to suppress legitimate feelings. This constant tension can spiral into stress, making it harder to cope with life’s ups and downs.
Acknowledging your feelings, both good and bad, helps mitigate anxiety. Allowing yourself to experience a full range of emotions creates space for healing and relaxation.
9. It Can Lead to Unfulfilled Expectations
If you always maintain a positive outlook, you will be setting unrealistic expectations for yourself and others. This can lead to disappointment when life doesn’t match up to your ideal vision.
Embrace the chaos of life, like the day your child brings home a glaring F on the test you helped them study so hard for. Don’t aim too low, but adjust your expectations to help you navigate life’s unpredictability.
10. It Creates a False Sense of Control
Constant positivity can push you into denial about what’s really going on. Ignoring red flags and pretending everything is fine can lead to serious consequences. Acknowledging issues is crucial for addressing them before they escalate.
This illusion of control can be dangerous. Facing the storm instead of pretending it’s sunny outside is a better move.
11. It’s a Form of Gaslighting
Forcing positivity upon others when they are struggling can be a form of gaslighting. It undermines their feelings and experiences, making them question if their struggles are even valid.
Instead of trying to force someone to “be positive,” offer support and validation for their emotions. You will be more empathetic when you’re not trying to push positivity down the throat of someone who’s already getting choked by life.
12. It Can Make You Avoid Necessary Conflict
Constantly chasing positivity might make you shy away from confrontation, even when it’s necessary. Avoiding tough conversations in the name of keeping things light only prolongs the discomfort.
Stop trying to keep the peace all the time. Sometimes, it’s good to clear the air. Tackling issues head-on can strengthen bonds and create more honest connections in the long run.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
