We all prefer interactions with kind individuals, avoiding the company of those who are mean or rude. Yet, there are instances where we encounter deceptive displays of niceness, often realizing the truth too late. People who make extensive efforts to appear overly nice often harbor a hidden agenda, likely seeking something from you.
Identifying insincere kindness at an early stage can spare you considerable heartache. Here’s how to detect it from a distance.
1. They Go Overboard With Compliments
Giving people compliments is a good thing, but fake-nice people make unreasonable compliments, exaggerating even the minutest details.
If a small gesture from you leads them to heap praises on you like you saved a life, they may be faking it.
2. The Niceness Ends Randomly
Do you have a friend who blows hot and cold unpredictably? If today you’re the best of friends and the following day they aren’t speaking to you, and you can’t tell what went wrong, you’re dealing with a fake-nice pal.
3. Constant Broken Promises
Honest people strive to keep their promises; when they don’t, they have a plausible explanation. Fake-nice people will promise you the world and deliver a plastic globe model or nothing at all.
If promises get broken without much explanation or flimsy reasons that are hard to comprehend, it’s time to do an audit on the friendship or relationship.
4. They Love To Spill the Tea
A friendship that seems to be based solely on gossip and spilling the tea on what’s going on in other people’s lives is not a genuine friendship.
A “friend” who thrives on giving you the latest dirt on Cathy from church is being fake nice.
5. You Know Little About Them
Do you have a friend who knows a lot about you (and many other people), yet you have very scanty information about them?
Such a person is deliberately keeping information from you and may be hiding a secret life or a hidden motive.
6. They Crave Attention and Praise
If your “friend” thrives on heaps of praise and feels threatened if they aren’t praised even for little things, you may be dealing with a fake-nice friend.
While being appreciated for your achievements and good deeds is wonderful, it’s not supposed to be forced on people to heap praise on you.
7. Becoming Overly Intimate Too Fast
If you meet them today and in three days, they already have an endearment term for you and a nickname, it’s good to take a step back and evaluate the association.
If an acquaintance starts behaving like you have known each other since kindergarten, they may be vying for a seat in your friendship corner- but with ill intent.
8. They’re Too Judgemental
A fake-nice person uses people for personal gain, and they will be very judgmental of the people they deem useless for their objectives.
People aren’t just people to them; peoples’ value depends on what they can potentially get from them. If a friend is always rating the people around him or her on a personal scale, you may want to discard them.
9. They Try Too Hard
Are you suddenly receiving VIP treatment that you don’t think you deserve from someone you’re not convinced should be giving it? If they’re trying too hard to make you feel like royalty, and you don’t see why, you should review your relationship.
10. They Exploit Your Weaknesses
A fake-nice person will research and observe your weaknesses and insecurities, and they will use them against you when an opportunity arises.
If you were vulnerable with them at a time when they were nice, and they seem to thrive on making you feel bad or useless because of that, consider cutting ties with them.
11. They’re Always Right
A person who’s trying to be something they aren’t doesn’t like it when they are told they’re wrong. When you call out a “friend” for something they did, and they promptly remind you of all the times they did nice things for you, then their nice deeds weren’t pure.
12. They Lie A Lot
Some people prefer to lie so as to be liked rather than be their authentic selves and establish genuine friendships.
If someone is hiding or lying about certain aspects of themselves or a situation, their niceness isn’t genuine, regardless of how they tried to portray it previously.
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JayDee Vykoukal is a writer, author, mom, and Doctor of Physical Therapy. She has been writing about everything motherhood and health-related since 2018 when her first daughter was born, and she wanted to stay home. She loves to research new topics and fun facts with her kids to teach them about the world.