14 Ways to Find Calm in the Face of a Child’s Tantrum

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You may have seen this scenario: a toddler belly-down in the toy aisle, shrieking and rolling on the floor because Mom said “no” to another Bluey toy. Maybe you’ve been unlucky enough to be the mom in this scenario. Staying calm during a tantrum is no easy feat, and no amount of coffee is enough to keep you from losing your marbles.

Kids can be synonymous with tantrums, and you’re expected to be the adult in the situation even when you feel like throwing your own bigger and improved adult-version tantrums. How do you avoid being swept away by the emotional storm?

Here are some ways to keep your cool when tantrums hit and remain in control.

1. Take Deep Breaths

When emotions start to rise, a super easy and effective way to regain your calm is to focus on your breath. The goal is to calm yourself before calming the child.

Try inhaling slowly through your nose for four counts, hold it for four, and then exhale through your mouth for another four. This helps you center yourself and create a little pause between a child’s emotional outburst and your response. You can ask your little screaming beauty to do it with you, it’ll help calm the child too.

2. Do Not Give In

When a tantrum is in full swing, giving in to demands might seem like the quickest solution for restoring peace. However, this approach can inadvertently reinforce the behavior, teaching the child that throwing a tantrum is an effective way to get what they want.

Instead, maintain consistent boundaries and calmly explain your reasoning. By not yielding, you help them learn valuable lessons in patience and delayed gratification.

3. Acknowledge and Validate Their Emotions

How many times have you heard, “Don’t cry,” or “Calm down!” when you felt overwhelmed? Did it help? Most likely not. When a child is throwing a tantrum, their emotions are on overdrive, and they need to feel understood.

Let them know that it’s okay to feel angry or sad and that you understand why they’re upset (even though sometimes you actually don’t understand). This validation can be enough to calm them down and let them know that you’re there for them no matter what.

4. Step Away if You Can

If the situation allows, stepping away for a brief moment can be a lifesaver. Physically removing yourself from the emotional tornado gives you time to gather your thoughts. Sometimes, just getting a little space allows you to see the situation from a more logical perspective.

Of course, if you can’t physically leave, mentally stepping away by focusing on an object or repeating a calming mantra in your head can also work wonders.

5. Shift Your Perspective

Remember that tantrums are not your fault, and even if they don’t feel like it, they’re a normal part of a child’s emotional development. The kids aren’t trying to make your day harder; they’re struggling to express feelings they don’t fully understand.

When you see it as a learning opportunity for them (and maybe even for you), it’s easier to stay calm. This perspective shift can transform your frustration into empathy.

6. Lower Your Voice

Raising your voice might feel like the go-to response in the heat of the moment, but it can often escalate things further. Instead, consciously lower your voice. Speak slowly and softly.

This forces you to calm down and might even encourage your child to match your tone. You’ll find that when you lower your voice, the environment becomes less charged, and you’re more in control of your own emotions, as well as theirs.

7. Use Positive Self-Talk

Hype yourself up. In the thick of a tantrum, it’s easy to think, “I can’t handle this.” But flipping that script can make a massive difference. Tell yourself, “I’ve got this,” or “I can stay calm.”

You’d be surprised how much a little positive reinforcement can shift your mood. You may not believe it right away, but with practice, these affirmations help you remain grounded, even when your patience is being tested.

8. Stay Mindful of Your Body Language

Tantrums can make us tighten up physically, which only amplifies the stress. Notice if you’re clenching your fists, crossing your arms, or tensing your jaw. Consciously relax those muscles and adopt an open stance.

You’re sending signals to your brain to chill out by softening your posture. Our body language can affect our mood. Loosen up, and you’ll likely feel the difference.

9. Resist the Urge to Fix Everything

Tantrums can bring out our inner problem-solver. But remember, it’s not your job to fix the tantrum. You’re there to guide, not to swoop in with solutions every time.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let them ride the wave of emotions while you remain calm in your own boat. This mindset takes a bit of practice, but it stops you from feeling responsible for calming them down, which keeps your stress levels in check.

10. Use Humor (Carefully)

Laughter is a powerful diffuser, but it has to be used wisely. Trying to lighten the mood with a well-timed joke can sometimes break the tension for both of you. It doesn’t have to be about the tantrum—just a silly comment that redirects the energy can work wonders.

Just be cautious—humor works best when the tantrum is winding down. Throwing in a joke in the middle of the storm might just intensify it.

11. Isolate the Child

Sometimes, a change in environment can help diffuse a tantrum. If possible, calmly move the child to a quiet and safe space where they can express their emotions without people around.

This is not about punishment but rather giving them a chance to calm down away from overwhelming stimuli. Explain to the child that this is a place to cool off and collect their thoughts.

12. Don’t Discuss the Tantrum When It’s Happening

Attempting to rationalize or discuss the tantrum while it’s occurring is generally unproductive. In the heat of the moment, children usually aren’t in a place to listen or understand explanations.

They might even feel more frustrated if they perceive they’re not being heard on an emotional level. It’s often better to wait until the storm has passed to talk about what happened.

13. Prepare for Tantrums

Anticipating tantrums by preparing in advance can significantly reduce the stress they bring. Start by understanding your child’s triggers. Are they more prone to outbursts when they’re tired, hungry, or in an unfamiliar environment?

Identifying these can help you plan ahead. Carry snacks or their favorite blankie, have a routine, pack toys or books– this creates a more controlled environment that allows both you and your child to navigate emotional waves more smoothly.

14. Focus On and Reward Positive Behavior

It’s easy to forget all your child’s good side when they’re embodying trials and temptations. Remind yourself that they’re good kids, and reinforce positive behavior. When a child displays good behavior, like sharing toys or using words to express emotions, acknowledge and praise them.

This approach not only reinforces the positive action but also encourages them to repeat it. Rewards do not always have to be material; a simple high-five, verbal praise, or extra playtime can be highly effective.

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