Celebrating while grieving feels like a betrayal. I lost my dad in October 2018, and I just didn’t want Christmas to come. How would we smile, give gifts, and eat ham when the family patriarch slept six feet under? (Un)fortunately, the sun set and rose again, and the holiday rolled in. Twinkling lights and cheerful songs filled the air, but his absence was undeniable in the house.
Almost 7 Christmases later, I know it’s possible to have joy and togetherness even when it feels profoundly different. Holidays after losing a loved one will be equal parts warmth and heartache, leaving you searching for ways to honor their memory while still engaging with the world around you.
Grief doesn’t take a holiday, but how you approach this time of year can shape your experience. Give yourself the space to navigate these weeks with intention and kindness. Here are some thoughtful ways to approach the holidays after a loss.
1. Redefine Your Traditions
Holidays often come wrapped in traditions, some of which may feel bittersweet or even painful now. You do not have to adhere to the old ways– consider reshaping them to fit your current reality. This could mean tweaking a cherished recipe, choosing a new location for gatherings, or even skipping some customs altogether.
No rulebook dictates how traditions should evolve, so let your heart guide the changes. Sometimes, even small shifts in routines can feel freeing. Traditions exist to serve you, not the other way around, and this is the time to make them work in a way that feels right. We almost always went home for the holidays, but that year, we brought Mom to our house. It made a huge difference.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
Pretending everything can carry on as usual is tempting, but this approach might lead to unnecessary strain. Acknowledge that things are different and give yourself permission to scale back where needed.
That may mean skipping the big dinner or delegating tasks to others, but your mental and emotional well-being comes first. Managing expectations—both yours and other’s—allows you to engage with the holidays in a way that feels sustainable rather than overwhelming.
3. Allow Space for Sadness
It’s okay to feel sadness during a season so often associated with joy. Grief doesn’t vanish because the calendar flips to December. Extend compassion to yourself during this time. Grief has no timeline, and the holidays may bring unexpected waves of emotion.
Acknowledge your feelings rather than trying to push them aside. Sometimes, this might mean stepping away from the festivities for a moment to breathe, reflect, or just cry. You’re not a bad person for being sad while carols are playing or when everyone is jumping into the new year.
4. Talk About Them and Honor Their Memory
Keeping your loved one’s memory alive can bring comfort, especially during the holidays. Share stories, anecdotes, or cherished moments about them with family and friends. These conversations don’t have to be somber– laughter is often part of remembering someone you care about.
Talking about them can bridge the gap between the past and present, reminding everyone of their enduring impact. Finding ways to include your loved one in the season can be profoundly healing. This could involve setting a place for them at the table, writing them a letter, or playing their favorite holiday song.
5. Communicate Your Needs
People around you may not know what to say or how to act, but clear communication can help. Let them know what kind of support you’re looking for—be it someone to reminisce with, a companion for a quiet night in, or understanding when you skip a party.
This season is not the time for guessing games. By being upfront about your feelings and boundaries, you invite others to support you in meaningful ways. It also helps prevent misunderstandings and disappointment, which can sap your energy during an already challenging time.
6. Lean on Your Support Network
This is not the time to go at it alone. Reach out to friends and family who understand your situation and can offer support. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can lighten your emotional weight.
Remember, your support network may look different now, but it’s still valuable. Sometimes, connecting with others who’ve experienced similar losses—through support groups or online forums—can provide a sense of solidarity and understanding.
7. Take Care of Your Health
Emotional strain often takes a physical toll, so prioritize your health. Nourish your body with good food, get enough rest, and incorporate some movement into your days. Even short walks or stretches can improve your mood and energy levels.
Listening to your body’s needs allows you to approach each day with more resilience. Make time for activities that soothe you, whether it’s reading, journaling, or enjoying a hot cup of tea.
8. Limit Overcommitment
Overloading your schedule might seem like a way to distract yourself, but it often backfires. Protect your time and energy by declining invitations that feel like too much. Focus on what truly matters to you during this season.
By keeping your calendar light, you create space for meaningful moments. It’s not about how much you do but how present you feel in the activities you choose to engage in.
9. Look for Joy in Small Moments
I said, “Look for” because joy may not be easy to find when you’re searching with teary eyes and blurry vision. Amid the challenges, there are still moments of beauty to be found. A crisp winter morning, the glow of holiday lights, or a heartfelt conversation with a friend can bring unexpected joy.
These moments might not erase the pain, but they can coexist with it, reminding you that life still holds meaning and warmth. Let yourself savor them without guilt—they are part of the healing process.
10. Create New Memories
The hardest reality for me after losing my dad was I was still alive, and I needed to live. While honoring the past, don’t shy away from creating new experiences. This might mean exploring a new holiday tradition or doing something entirely different this year.
These fresh memories don’t replace the old ones; they add to them, weaving a new chapter into your life story. It’ll hurt to get onto a plane without them, but every step forward is a testament to the love you carry with you.
11. Seek Professional Support
This is the one thing I should have done that I didn’t do, and it came back to bite me after a year. If the season feels overwhelming, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor. Their guidance can provide tools to navigate these emotions and offer a safe space for expression.
Therapy isn’t about “fixing” grief—it’s about finding ways to live with it while still engaging meaningfully with the world. Venting to your BFF doesn’t count as therapy.
12. Practice Gratitude
Do you know how Grandma had a magic fix for everything? Gratitude is like that; it’s a solution that takes care of a lot of things, even grief. Grief and gratitude might sound like an odd couple, but they actually pair surprisingly well—like sweet and sour.
Grief can be heavy and all-consuming, but sneaking in a little gratitude, even during tough times, can offer tiny but powerful moments of calm. Maybe it’s a funny memory that makes you smile, a loved one who won’t stop bringing you casseroles, or just the sheer magic of a good sunset.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
