It would be great if we raised kids who know how to file their tax returns and budget well, but it’d be even better if we raised children who love others and speak kindly to themselves. We need to raise a generation that knows how to show itself kindness– it’s one of the best gifts we can offer as parents, teachers, and caregivers.
Mental health issues are becoming increasingly visible, with the CDC reporting that approximately 13% of children aged 3 to 17 have a diagnosed mental condition. That’s not a small number. Kids, and especially teenagers can be really harsh on themselves. They don’t need to always go easy on themselves, but they can learn to handle life with a more considerate, balanced approach.
Here are some practical tips for teaching kids to embrace self-compassion in a world where mental health challenges are increasingly prevalent.
1. Model Self-Compassion in Your Own Life
Kids are natural observers, picking up on behaviors and attitudes, especially when they come from people they admire. If you keep calling yourself “dumb” or something worse, they will, too. Model self-compassion in your day-to-day life by speaking kindly to yourself, even during stressful moments.
When you make a mistake, let your kids hear you say things like, “I’ll try again next time,” instead of harsh self-criticism. They learn that self-compassion doesn’t mean they avoid mistakes but that they handle them with kindness.
2. Emphasize Effort and Growth Over Outcomes
I know how nice it feels as a parent when your child comes in first place during her spelling bee competition, but what if she loses? Help your child understand that they are more than any single success or failure.
When they’re facing academic or personal challenges, encourage them to focus on the progress they’re making rather than the end result. Praising their effort, persistence, and creativity sends the message that their worth doesn’t hinge on them scoring the winning goal.
3. Use Storytelling to Highlight Kindness
Kids respond well to storytelling, so use tales that demonstrate self-compassion in action. Choose books or create stories where characters handle their challenges by being kind to themselves. These examples help kids see self-compassion as something relatable and achievable.
Discussing characters’ actions can help kids reflect on their own feelings. Questions like, “How do you think this character feels?” can encourage them to explore how they might react with self-kindness in similar situations.
4. Normalize Talking About Feelings Without Judgment
What are you crying about?” isn’t the best way to approach an emotional kid. Worse still is the “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” that most of us grew up with. Creating a space where kids feel safe to talk about their emotions is vital.
Listen without judgment or immediate solutions when they express anger, sadness, or frustration. This openness makes them feel their emotions are valid, not something to be dismissed or criticized. When you show them that it’s okay to feel whatever they feel, they’re more likely to respond to their own emotions with compassion.
5. Encourage Positive Self-Talk
Kids often internalize negative self-talk without even realizing it. Help them recognize this habit and teach them phrases to counteract it, like “I am doing my best” or “I am learning.” Positive self-talk is a lot about responding to blunders constructively.
By reinforcing positive language, they learn that setbacks don’t define them. The goal is to replace harsh inner dialogue with words that promote kindness and growth, helping them handle challenges with resilience.
6. Introduce Mindfulness Exercises to Build Self-Awareness
Kids need mindfulness, too. It can teach kids to recognize their feelings and reactions with a clear mind. Short, age-appropriate breathing exercises, mindful coloring, or simple body scans can help them become more aware of their thoughts and emotions.
With mindfulness, kids learn to pause, reflect, and respond with understanding, building a foundation for self-compassion. It’ll help diffuse an emotionally charged moment and show them how to have a gentler approach toward themselves over time.
7. Address Perfectionism Head-On
Perfectionism can be a major obstacle to self-compassion. If you notice your child striving for perfection, reassure them that mistakes are a natural part of learning. Share examples of how even successful people make mistakes and learn from them.
Encouraging a mindset where mistakes are seen as stepping stones helps kids embrace imperfection. This understanding reduces pressure and nurtures self-compassion, allowing them to grow more confident in handling setbacks.
8. Encourage Their Hobbies Without Pressure
Hobbies are great because they encourage children to engage in activities they love without the pressure of excelling. They just do stuff for fun, and they learn to enjoy the process without self-criticism.
When they feel free to explore their hobbies, they develop a positive approach to self-growth. This safe space for personal expression becomes a cornerstone of self-compassion, and maybe a future career in something they love.
9. Help Them Set Boundaries and Respect Their Needs
Some kids suffer from mental health issues because someone violated their emotional boundaries, and they didn’t know how to stop them. Teach kids to recognize and respect their personal boundaries. They will love you and themselves for it.
Encourage them to communicate when they need a break or feel uncomfortable. Setting and respecting boundaries can give them a sense of control and self-worth. When they understand that saying “no” is okay, they develop a compassionate approach to managing their own needs.
10. Teach the Importance of Asking for Help
Asking for help can be one of the hardest things for kids to learn, especially if they ask once and are shut down. Let them know that needing assistance doesn’t make them weak or soft. Share examples from your own life where asking for help led to positive outcomes.
Learning that reaching out is a sign of strength can help children become more open to self-compassion during difficult times. They need to understand that everyone needs support, which is part of healthy emotional resilience.
11. Use Praise Mindfully
While praise can boost confidence, using it mindfully helps kids understand that their worth doesn’t depend on constant approval. Acknowledge their kindness, courage, or effort rather than only praising their achievements.
When praise focuses on character and effort, kids internalize these values, allowing self-compassion to grow naturally. They learn that self-worth is about who they are, not just what they accomplish.
12. Encourage Journaling
Journaling isn’t just an outlet for adults. It can give kids a private space to explore their thoughts, challenges, and successes. Encourage them to jot down or draw what went well in their day and moments where they showed kindness to themselves or others.
A journal can become a safe place where they build self-compassion and learn to manage emotions. This practice promotes self-understanding and growth, essential elements of a compassionate mindset.
13. Curb Comparisons
Kids often compare themselves to peers, especially as they grow more aware of social dynamics. Encourage them to notice when making comparisons and shift their focus back to their own progress and unique strengths.
Explain that everyone grows at their own pace and that comparing often leads to frustration, not growth. It helps children to understand that their value isn’t tied to how they measure up to others. They’ll appreciate this lesson as they become adults.
14. Encourage Self-Care
Help kids understand that taking care of their own needs—getting enough sleep, enjoying some quiet time, or doing something they love—is an important form of self-compassion. A child should know that looking after themselves isn’t selfish or showing off; it’s a way to show respect for their own well-being.
Teaching kids to prioritize self-care provides a foundation for lifelong self-respect. Normalize self-care and see then learn that their health and happiness are important.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
