Everyone is struggling with something, but when the struggle seems to be completely taking over their lives it’s no longer normal. You’ve probably done it too—hid behind a smile or deflected concern because admitting to struggling felt too heavy. Often, there’s a storm brewing beneath a calm exterior, cheerful conversation, or even the familiar “I’m fine.”
What we see on the surface barely scratches the reality beneath. So, how do we spot it when someone is struggling, even if they’re not letting you know? It’s all in the little signs—the subtle shifts in behavior or attitude that tell us there’s more going on than they’re sharing.
These are some of the small but significant clues that could mean someone needs a little more support.
1. They’re Suddenly “Too Busy”
When someone suddenly becomes the busiest person you know, it might not be about their full calendar. Life gets hectic for everyone, but if they can’t seem to make time for anything—whether it’s a coffee catch-up or a quick text—it might be a defense mechanism.
By filling every second with something to do, they avoid having to confront whatever’s really weighing them down. What you’re seeing isn’t just a packed schedule, it’s a shield. They could be using their “busyness” as a distraction to dodge the heavy stuff they’re struggling with.
2. Their Sense of Humor Feels Forced
Everyone has those moments where their laugh sounds a little hollow, but if it’s happening more often than not, maybe their mental health isn’t as good as they’re willing to admit. A person who seems overly jokey or even sarcastic might be masking what’s going on internally.
That extra effort to keep things light may be their way of steering conversations away from anything serious or painful. If someone’s humor is always deflective or self-deprecating, it might be their way of keeping others from asking too many questions.
3. They Keep Canceling Plans
At first, it might seem like bad luck or bad timing, but if someone repeatedly cancels on you, it’s worth taking a closer look. Constant cancellations aren’t always about being tired or “something coming up.”
Maybe they’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious at the thought of “peopling,” even with those they care about. When plans feel like too much to handle, it’s easier to retreat. They’re not trying to push you away on purpose, they just can’t bring themselves to engage.
4. Their Sleep Patterns Are All Over the Place
Ever notice someone bragging about how little they’ve been sleeping, or maybe they’re suddenly taking naps in the middle of the day? Sleep issues—whether too much or too little—can be a big indicator that something’s off.
It’s like the body’s natural alarm system going haywire when stress or emotional strain kicks in. If someone’s sleep routine has become erratic, it’s a clue that things aren’t quite right. The over-exhaustion or excessive sleep could be them either running on fumes or trying to escape into sleep to avoid reality.
5. They’ve Stopped Talking About the Future
When was the last time you heard them talk about their goals, dreams, or plans? If someone used to be the type who loved making future plans but suddenly can’t even commit to what’s happening next weekend, something deeper might be happening.
Losing sight of the future can be a sign they’re feeling stuck or hopeless. Sometimes they’ve just given up and looking ahead seems too daunting right now.
6. They’re Super Sensitive to Criticism
If someone who’s usually easy-going suddenly bristles at even the smallest critique, that could be a sign that their emotional reserves are running low. When people are under a lot of stress or emotional strain, their tolerance for feedback usually drops.
What might have rolled off their back in the past now hits a lot harder. If you notice they’re reacting more intensely to feedback or even simple suggestions, it’s likely because they’re already battling internal criticism and self-doubt.
7. They’ve Withdrawn From Their Hobbies
It’s easy to overlook when someone stops going to their weekly yoga class or quits knitting those scarves they used to love making. But when someone pulls away from the activities that used to light them up, that’s often a signal that something’s wrong. Losing interest in things they once enjoyed can be a quiet cry for help.
In most cases, their hobbies are still meaningful to the,, but their emotional bandwidth has shrunk. The joy they used to get from these activities might now feel out of reach, or they’re simply too drained to engage.
8. They Seem More Irritable Than Usual
When someone is carrying around more stress or emotional weight than they can handle, it often leaks out in unexpected ways. Increased irritability can be one of those leaks. You might notice them snapping at small things or getting frustrated over issues that wouldn’t have fazed them before.
This irritability isn’t about you or the situation at hand—it’s about everything they’re juggling under the surface. The little things that set them off are just the tip of the iceberg.
9. They’ve Stopped Taking Care of Themselves
Personal grooming habits, like how often someone showers, dresses up, or even styles their hair, can be a subtle indicator of how they’re doing emotionally. If someone who used to take pride in their appearance suddenly starts looking unkempt or doesn’t seem to care anymore, it might be a sign that they’re struggling.
When someone’s mental or emotional state is in turmoil, the motivation to maintain everyday habits can slip. Their appearance reflects their internal state, and that sudden change in self-care might be a sign that something is going on beneath the messy bun.
10. They’re Always “Fine”
I know women are notorious for this, but when someone insists they’re “fine” at every turn, it’s usually the biggest giveaway that they’re not. That little word can cover a whole range of emotions, from exhaustion to heartache.
It’s the easiest response to give when they don’t want to dig into the real answer or admit that they’re struggling. If you keep hearing the same “I’m fine” with no variation, it might be time to gently push past that barrier.
11. They’ve Become Super Private
Is someone who used to be open about their life suddenly clamming up? It’s one thing to be private, but when there’s a drastic shift toward secrecy or evading conversations, it might mean they’re dealing with more than they’re comfortable sharing.
They might not want to burden anyone with their problems or fear judgment. The withdrawal into privacy isn’t just about protecting themselves from the world—it’s about protecting the world from what they’re going through.
12. Their Appetite Has Changed
People under emotional strain often experience shifts in their appetite. Whether it’s eating much more or much less, drastic changes in someone’s eating habits can be a sign that they’re struggling. Food can become a way to cope—or be completely neglected when stress takes over.
These changes aren’t about the food itself. They’re a response to emotional upheaval, where either indulging or ignoring food becomes a way to regain control over something when everything else feels overwhelming.
13. They’re Over-Apologizing
Have you ever noticed someone apologizing way more than necessary? That’s usually a sign they’re feeling insecure or like they’re messing up—even when they’re not.
Excessive apologizing can indicate that they’re carrying extra guilt or anxiety about how others are perceiving them. The constant “sorry” is their way of trying to keep things in check, even if they don’t need to.
14. They’re Very Self-Critical
Everyone jokes about themselves once in a while, but when it becomes a constant pattern, it can be a sign that someone’s internal dialogue isn’t so friendly. If someone keeps putting themselves down or making negative comments about their abilities or appearance, they might be struggling with deeper self-esteem issues.
These comments aren’t just offhanded jokes—they’re often a reflection of what they’re truly feeling inside.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
