We all keep secrets sometimes. In some situations, the question is whether it’s worth it to keep a secret or just dive right in and tell the truth.
You may think you know people, but beneath the surface of every person is a potential trove of undisclosed information. Everyone harbors aspects of their lives that remain hidden from the prying eyes of others. While holding onto secrets may seem like a protective shield, it can also inadvertently cultivate mistrust and create emotional distance. At worst, it may irreparably fracture relationships unless honesty is restored.
The foundation of any meaningful relationship (romantic, friends, family, etc.) is built on transparency, trust, and open communication. The desire to keep secrets can be attributed to several factors. Let’s explore why we choose to keep certain things a secret even though we know telling the truth is better.
1. Fear of Judgment
Most people aren’t sure how their loved ones or other significant people will react if they tell them the truth. Most of the time, telling the truth may leave others judging them, and most people don’t want to live with that. A loved one may keep a diagnosis hidden to avoid stigmatization or negative evaluations.
2. To Save a Relationship
While secrets can potentially eventually ruin a relationship, most people think they’re saving the relationship by keeping secrets. This is counter-productive since the people on the receiving end may rethink the relationship when they realize a secret was kept from them.
3. Maintaining Privacy
Some people keep secrets to maintain a sense of personal privacy. People value having aspects of their lives that are not shared with everyone. Some people are more private than others, and what one may deem top secret may be common knowledge for another.
4. The Desire to Maintain a Carefully Crafted Image
Some people have worked very hard to create the perfect picture of what they want others to see them as, and the truth will crumble the perfect house of cards they have built.
Sometimes, this may stem from a personality disorder such as narcissism.
5. To Protect Others
People may keep secrets to protect the feelings or well-being of others. If the information they’re withholding may potentially cause harm or distress to someone they care about, they will most likely not share.
6. Societal Expectations
Society has unspoken rules about what should be said and what is “personal.” If a society frowns upon the revelation of some information, one may feel inclined to keep it under wraps so as not to stir the muddy waters.
7. Avoiding Conflict
A secret revealed might rough things up in the relationship. Keeping certain details hidden can be a way to avoid confrontation or conflict. People may keep quiet about certain issues to maintain [false] harmony in relationships.
8. To Maintain Control
We have no control over information once it’s out in the open. Secrets can be a way for individuals to maintain a sense of control over their lives. Sharing certain information might make them feel vulnerable or lose control.
9. Fear of Rejection
There’s no knowing what people will do once they learn your secret. The fear of being rejected or abandoned can lead people to keep secrets. They may worry that revealing certain aspects of themselves will result in social or emotional isolation, and in many instances, they aren’t wrong.
10. Avoiding Shame or Guilt
The things we hide from people aren’t exactly glorious, and people may hide information to avoid feelings of shame or guilt. Certain actions or events may be kept secret to prevent negative emotions associated with them.
11. Maintaining a Competitive Edge
Some relationships are like a battlefield, with each party hiding their strategies. In competitive environments, individuals may keep secrets related to their work or projects to maintain an advantage over others.
12. Coping Mechanism
Not talking is a coping mechanism for many, and they will use secrets as a means to stay afloat emotionally and socially. If revealing some things will trigger negative emotions that they don’t know how to deal with, they will hide information as a way to deal with challenging or traumatic experiences.
13. Avoiding Worry or Concern
Individuals may keep secrets to shield their loved ones from unnecessary worry or concern. They might believe that sharing certain information would burden others.
14. Preserving Emotional Energy
Finally letting someone in on things that one has been carrying, possibly for a very long time, takes immense emotional energy. Some individuals choose not to share certain information to avoid emotional exhaustion or draining interactions.
15. Preserving Independence
Some people may feel like whoever knows their secrets owns them. They will keep secrets to maintain a sense of independence. Sharing too much information could make them feel dependent or reliant on others.
16. Legal Consequences
In extreme situations, it’s a legal question. Fear of legal repercussions can be a reason for keeping secrets. Individuals might withhold information to avoid legal trouble or consequences.
There may be situations when a white lie is a better option, but the choice to keep a secret or reveal things has to be weighed with utmost wisdom.
17 Personal Things to Never Share with Anyone
More than half the world is online, so sharing endless information with others seems like the default setting. You log in online, and in a minute, you know where your old high school buddy is holidaying, how much a friend’s wedding ring costs, and you have a virtual tour of your sister-in-law’s friend’s home from room to room.
While sharing some information, whether online or in person, can sometimes be beneficial, certain information should be kept private for your safety.
17 Personal Things to Never Share with Anyone
57 Psychological Facts About Humans That Might Shock You
Psychology says that humans are always curious about knowing their minds better. So it’s no surprise that you’re here right now. While there are many things left to uncover and decipher – let’s start with what we do know.
57 Psychological Facts About Humans That Might Shock You
18 Signs of Childhood Neglect That Haunt Adulthood
The repercussions of early-life neglect can be profound and enduring. There are telltale signs that can be spotted in adults that reflect this sad reality.
18 Signs of Childhood Neglect That Haunt Adulthood
I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.