Recently, my daughters said they wanted a Mommy-daughter date, each at their own time. Something big stood out to me during our one-on-one conversations: the things they said they were sad or happy about were things I had said to them. I learned one important lesson: the toys will be forgotten, the now messy closets will be empty, and screen time battles will end, but my words will stay with them either into a fulfilling adulthood or a therapist’s couch.
It’s baffling how children seem not to be listening even when you’re repeating yourself to a mental breakdown, and yet they’re also absorbing everything. They will soak up your words, actions, and even those little side-eye glances you think they missed.
Scripted compliments like “Good job!” or “You’re so smart ” and half-hearted praise have their place. However, what they really need to hear are real, impactful phrases that help them feel secure, confident, and loved.
Here are some phrases that every child needs to hear.
1. I Believe in You
Hearing that Mommy and Daddy have faith in their abilities is one way to lift up a child’s spirits. When you tell a child that you believe in them, you’re giving them more than just a confidence boost—you’re showing them that you trust their process, even when they stumble.
Kids need to know that their potential is seen. Acknowledge their current efforts and help them to grow in their decision-making capabilities.
2. It’s Okay to Be Upset
We often tell our kids to “calm down” or “stop crying,” making them feel like their emotions aren’t valid. Letting them know that it’s okay to be upset encourages emotional health.
You’re giving them the space to express themselves without feeling like they’re doing something wrong by feeling sad, angry, or frustrated. It’s important for kids to understand that emotions are natural, not something to be suppressed.
3. I Love Watching You Learn
Instead of praising the result, focus on the process. Telling a child that you love watching them learn emphasizes their curiosity and growth. It’s a way to recognize their hard work and the joy of discovery rather than just the final outcome.
The point is for them to develop a love of learning and discovering. When children know that the process is valued, they’re more likely to take on new challenges without worrying about being judged by the end result.
4. You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
The pressure kids are under today is immense. Schools and parents want perfect grades, and the football coach wants perfect drills every time too. Perfectionism can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety in children, so it’s important for kids to hear that perfection is not the goal.
Allowing them to be the imperfect humans they are is giving them permission to relax and just be themselves. It’s a reminder that they are enough, flaws and all.
5. I Appreciate you
Adults know how good it feels to be appreciated, and we forget that so do kids. Appreciate them and their non-so-funny jokes. It’s a deeper form of validation that affirms their individuality.
Children need to feel loved for who they are, not just what they do or how they perform. This unconditional love breeds self-acceptance and helps them feel comfortable in their own skin as they grow and develop.
6. You Can Do It
Every child has at one point declared, “I can’t do it.” Children often doubt their own abilities, sometimes because the adults discourage them. When faced with something new or challenging, remind them that they’re capable of more than they realize.
Encourage kids to step out of their comfort zone and healthily take risks. Helping them know they’re stronger and more capable than they might think leads to more trust and a deeper relationship with one another.
7. You Can Always Talk to Me
Opening the door to communication is one of the most important things you can do for a child. When you tell them, “You can always talk to me,” you’re offering a safe space for them to express their thoughts, worries, and questions without fear of judgment.
It builds a bridge of trust that becomes stronger over time. Kids who feel they can talk openly are more likely to share things that trouble them rather than keep them bottled up inside.
8. I Forgive You
Children are going to make mistakes– it’s part of learning and growing up. When you tell a child, “I forgive you,” after they’ve done something wrong, it teaches them about the power of forgiveness and compassion.
It reassures them that their missteps don’t define them and that they are still loved despite whatever little errors they make. This phrase helps them develop an understanding of accountability and encourages them to make amends without fear of permanent judgment or rejection.
9. I’m Sorry
Even though we like to think we know everything and are doing everything in our power to be a perfect parent, we make mistakes. Apologizing to your child in these situations holds immense power by modeling humility and accountability.
When you admit your own faults, it communicates that no one is perfect and that it’s okay to own up to our missteps. They will respect you more for it.
10. You Won’t Be Liked By Everyone
We all have to learn this truth, and it’s an important lesson for children to grasp early on. They won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but this doesn’t diminish their self-worth. It prepares them for the reality of social interactions.
Emphasize the importance of staying true to themselves and maintaining their own values, even if it means not being universally accepted. It’ll save you from raising a people pleaser.
11. You’re Responsible for This
Helping children understand taking responsibility is a vital aspect of their development. This is not assigning blame, it’s instilling a sense of ownership and accountability for their actions.
They need to learn the relationship between choices and consequences. Guide them through this process with empathy, ensuring they know that being responsible is part of growing up and not something to fear.
12. Use Your Voice, But Be Kind
Encouraging kids to speak up and express themselves is crucial, but it’s just as important to remind them to do so with kindness and respect. Let them know that using their voice is powerful—it can advocate for themselves and others—but it should always be wielded thoughtfully.
Teach them to convey their feelings, ideas, and needs without diminishing others. Emphasizing kindness in communication strengthens relationships and allows them to create a positive impact on the world around them.
13. You’re Beautiful
You will be shocked at how much ugliness exists, including body shaming. Telling your child they’re beautiful goes beyond appearances. It’s about recognizing their inner beauty and helping them develop a healthy self-image.
Let them know they’re valued for who they are, not just how they look, which is crucial in a world constantly obsessed with appearances.
14. No
Learning to say “no” is an important skill for both children and adults. Teaching children the power of “no” helps them establish boundaries and stand up for themselves in uncomfortable situations.
They need to learn to respect their own feelings and understand their limits. Encourage them to use “no” when necessary while also being mindful of how it affects others. It will empower them to make decisions that are true to their values.
15. Thank You
Teaching children to express gratitude is fundamental in cultivating appreciation and humility. Saying “thank you” acknowledges the efforts, kindness, or gestures of others and demonstrates respect and consideration.
When children learn to express gratitude regularly, they become more mindful of the positive aspects of their lives and the contributions people make. Encourage them to recognize the small and big things alike.
16. I Love You
No, they’ll never get tired of hearing it, even when they’re grown and have kids of their own. Expressing love to your child is perhaps one of the most powerful and reassuring things you can do.
It provides an unshakeable foundation of security and trust. This simple phrase nurtures their emotional well-being and fortifies their sense of self-worth. Consistent verbal affirmation of love has profound effects.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
