Parenting is a funny journey: one minute, you’re reminding them to brush their teeth, and the next, they’re naming your grandbabies and moving to Wyoming without a peep to you. It’s a beautiful transition that can surprise you, especially when you notice they’re all grown up and need their own space.
Worrying doesn’t disappear once they’re past the chickenpox stage though, even parents of grown-up kids wonder if they’re doing things right. Should you call more? Give less advice? It’s tough when your gut says one thing, but their silence suggests another.
It’s not about guiding each step anymore—they’ve got their own moral compass now. Here are some habits that could be impacting your relationship with your adult children.
1. Overcommunication and Not Respecting Boundaries
Communication is essential in any relationship, but there’s a thin line between staying in touch and overstepping. Constantly reaching out can be perceived as overbearing, while not communicating enough can lead to feelings of neglect.
Striking this balance requires awareness and respect for your adult child’s independence. Don’t bombard them with messages or calls; consider sending a simple text now and then to check in.
2. Offering Unsolicited Advice
As parents, there’s a natural instinct to guide and advise. However, offering unsolicited advice can backfire, making adult children feel patronized or dismissed.
Sometimes, you share helpful insights while other times, you listen. It’d be great if you ask your adult children if they want to hear your thoughts instead of jumping in with advice at the first sign of trouble.
3. Holding on to Control
We want them to grow up, but many parents struggle to relinquish control over their adult children’s lives, leading to tension and resentment. Clinging to the idea that they need you to decide for them because you know best can stifle their growth.
Encourage independence by supporting their choices, even if they choose to study veterinary psychology instead of the medical sciences you secretly hoped for.
4. Comparing Them to Peers
Cousin Jake bought a house, but there’s no need to remind your son at every Thanksgiving dinner. Comparing your adult children to their peers can make them feel like failures.
Each individual has their own path, and those comparisons can lead to unnecessary pressure. Celebrate your child’s unique accomplishments and growth rather than focusing on what others are doing.
5. Neglecting Quality Time
Between planning for retirement and dealing with aching knees, it’s easy to let quality time with adult children slip through the cracks. If you ignore them too long, they will soon be unavailable when you want them.
Regular check-ins and spontaneous gatherings can greatly enhance your relationship. Planning activities to enjoy together can create cherished memories and deepen your bond.
6. Not Acknowledging Their Achievements
If they do well, celebrate them. If they don’t do so well, celebrate them. Recognizing and celebrating your adult children’s achievements, big or small, is good for your relationship. Send them a card or just a quick text, it will help to ensure they feel valued.
If you don’t acknowledge their milestones, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. It’s essential to show enthusiasm and pride in their successes, no matter how trivial they seem.
7. Not Being Open About Your Own Life
Sharing your life experiences and challenges can help your adult children see you as relatable rather than just a parent. When you’re open about your own struggles and successes, they see you as human.
Consider discussing your thoughts, feelings, and even uncertainties. If you put in the effort to create an open environment, they’ll be more inclined to open up too.
8. Failing to Show Affection
You know you love your children, but do they know too? Affection is a crucial element in any relationship. Not expressing love and appreciation might lead to them thinking you’re being distant or cold.
Take the time to express your affection in ways that resonate with your adult children. It can be a simple “I love you” or a warm hug– these small expressions of affection can remind your adult children that they mean a lot to you.
9. Getting Stuck in the Past
You have to forgive yourself and your kids. Dwelling on past conflicts or mistakes can impede the growth of your relationship.
Holding on to grudges can create a toxic environment, making it difficult to move forward. It’s crucial to acknowledge the past but also to focus on building a brighter future together.
10. Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Difficult conversations are often necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship. Avoiding these discussions can lead to unresolved issues.
Embrace open communication, even when it’s uncomfortable. Approach sensitive topics with empathy and care. Create a safe space for dialogue where both parties can express their thoughts and feelings.
11. Comparing Past Parenting Styles
Your children will parent differently from you, and you may not like how they homeschool the kids or let the children eat ice cream before dinner, but that should spark a conversation rather than an accusation of bad parenting.
Constantly comparing your adult children’s current parenting styles to your own preferences will lead to tension and maybe even avoidance on their part.
12. Underestimating the Importance of Humor
Are you a fun parent, or are you too busy for laughter? Not embracing humor can create a heavy atmosphere, making interactions too serious. Laugh with your kids and lighten the mood.
Tell the bad dad jokes and play with your grandchildren. Be the family mascot, or learn to send memes on text. Everyone will be happier for it.
Raise Emotionally Secure Kids with These 15 Key Phrases
Emotionally secure kids are more resilient, empathetic, and better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs. The annual birthday gifts and occasional trips to the park are great, but how do you talk to your kids every day? The words we use as parents play a significant role in shaping their emotional well-being
Raise Emotionally Secure Kids with These 15 Key Phrases
18 Signs of Childhood Neglect That Haunt Adulthood
The repercussions of early-life neglect can be profound and enduring. There are telltale signs that can be spotted in adults that reflect this sad reality.
18 Signs of Childhood Neglect That Haunt Adulthood
23 Psychological Facts About Depression You Might Not Know
Imagine suddenly losing interest in some of your most well-loved activities or feeling a sense of hopelessness you can’t shake. Or imagine having a sense of foreboding and sadness that seemingly came out of nowhere. Sometimes, depression can make its way into your life without warning, and it’s never a fun experience.
23 Psychological Facts About Depression You Might Not Know
I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
