Has someone in your circle ever started acting slightly off when you announced a major life breakthrough? It’d be nice if we’d see beyond the plastic smiles and half-hearted handshakes, especially when we’re succeeding. One of life’s greatest blessings and curses is that we can’t read other people’s minds, but we can at least read actions and words.
It’s not always easy to pinpoint, but when you’re rising, and someone’s rooting for your fall, the signs are usually evident. When people struggle with their own insecurities or envy, they can find it hard to be genuinely happy for others. And while you can’t change how they feel, you can learn to spot the signs and protect your own peace.
Here are the signs that someone’s secretly hoping you don’t make it.
1. They Express Concern Instead of Support
When you share your plans or ambitions, their first response is to express concern. Rather than congratulating you or offering encouragement, they lead with questions like, “Are you sure this is the right move?” or “Do you really think you can do that?”.
On the surface, it may seem like they’re being thoughtful, but the underlying message is clear—they cast serious doubts about your ability to succeed. Their reaction leaves you questioning your choices and might even chip away at your self-confidence.
2. They Give Backhanded Compliments
“You got the job? Wow, I didn’t think they were hiring people with your background!” Backhanded compliments are a classic way for someone to disguise their envy or disbelief as praise. It’s their way of pretending to celebrate you while making you feel like you’ve somehow stumbled into your success.
The comment seems sweet at first, but there’s a sour aftertaste when (or if) you realize what they’re saying. These backhanded compliments can eat away at your confidence, leaving you wondering if maybe they’re right. Don’t let them get to you. Your accomplishments are yours—no need to apologize for earning them.
3. They Say Nothing When You Win
A little jealousy is good, but it shouldn’t stop someone from celebrating others. You just announced some exciting news, and while everyone else is celebrating, one is oddly quiet. When someone can’t bring themselves to show even a little enthusiasm for your success, it’s usually a sign that your happiness bothers them.
You don’t need everyone to throw you a parade, but if your friends or colleagues go mute when you share your wins, that’s worth noticing.
4. They Change the Subject… Fast
You’re in the middle of sharing your latest victory, and suddenly—BAM—they start talking about how strawberries aren’t really berries and bananas are. It’s like they can’t help but shift the focus away from your success to something else.
When someone often changes the subject during your happy moments, it’s usually their way of skirting around your success without being negative. They find talking about other things more comfortable because your achievements make them a bit uneasy.
5. They Try To One-Up You
Oh, you ran a 10K? That’s awesome! They ran two marathons, though. You launched a startup? Nice—they’re already onto their third. People who always feel the need to one-up your achievements might be dealing with their own insecurities.
Instead of simply being happy for you, they try to show they’re still ahead, even if it’s in a totally different area. It’s as if they see your success as a challenge and want to remind you that they’ve done more.
6. They Delay Their Celebration
At first, they’re skeptical. They don’t believe in your big plans, but then, once you’ve proven them wrong, they’re suddenly your biggest fan. “I always knew you could do it!” they say, despite their earlier doubts.
It’s as if they only feel comfortable supporting you once they know you’ve already succeeded—there’s no risk of being wrong anymore, and they get to hop on the bandwagon.
7. They Offer Useless Help
“Oh, you should talk to my uncle’s friend’s daughter. She knows a lot about that industry.” On the surface, it sounds like they’re offering to help, but in reality, their advice or connections are completely useless.
It’s like they’re just trying to check the “I helped” box without contributing anything valuable. The offer is hollow, and deep down, you know it won’t move the needle for your success.
8. They Downplay Your Dreams
“That’s a cute side thing you’re doing.” Cute? Really? You’ve put so much heart and soul into this project, and they’re seeing it as just a little hobby. It can feel like they’re not quite recognizing your efforts and the importance of your accomplishments.
This downplaying is a sign of jealousy. By calling it a “side thing,” they might not fully appreciate what you’re building. But remember, your dreams are valid, no matter how they perceive them.
9. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
It’s interesting how some people only check in when they need something. Suddenly, they’re reaching out, asking for favors or connections, without a simple “Hey, how’s your project going?” It feels like a transactional relationship for them.
They’re not really invested in your success unless there’s something in it for them. This behavior suggests they’re more focused on what they can gain rather than truly supporting your journey.
10. They Gossip About You
When someone is talking behind your back, it’s a clear sign they’re not genuinely happy for you. And if that gossip is negative or trying to undermine your achievements, it’s even worse. They might be envious of your success and are trying to bring you down in the eyes of others.
Gossiping about someone shows a lack of respect and support. It’s important to address this behavior and set boundaries to protect yourself from unnecessary drama.
11. They Use Passive-Aggressive Humor
“Oh, so you’re a big deal now, huh?” Passive-aggressive humor is a sneaky way for people to express their envy or discomfort without having to be direct about it.
It allows them to say what they’re really feeling under the guise of humor, so if you call them out, they can just say, “I was only joking!” This kind of “humor” is designed to knock you down a peg.
12. They Copy You
Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery, but when someone starts mimicking everything you do, it could be more than just admiration. They might be trying to capture the success you’ve achieved by replicating your ideas, style, or even your exact phrasing.
This kind of behavior often stems from an underlying envy or a lack of confidence in their own abilities. Rather than developing their unique path, they latch onto what you’ve created.
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I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
