12 Questions To Ask That Are Better Than “How Are You?”

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“How are you?” is the lowest hanging fruit in the tree of caring questions, and it’s the one that will give you the most untruthful answers. It’s a safe, polite inquiry but also a bit mundane.

Genuine connections matter, and if you want to get a response that is more than the standard, “I’m OK,” you need to change how you ask questions. You don’t want to shut out someone who’d benefit from a deeper, more meaningful conversation or one who’s hurting and needs a listening ear.

Here are the questions that will let you slip into someone else’s shoes and see the world from behind their eyes.

1. What Made You (Un)Happy Today?

Sometimes, you can tell someone is sad or excited; other times, it’s not so obvious. When you inquire about what brought them joy or sorrow, you invite them to think back on their day and share particular experiences or feelings. 

Focusing on life’s highs and lows is like opening the door to a conversation that’s more than just weather updates and elevator chats.

2. What Do You Wish You Did Less Today?

A question like “What do you wish you had done a little less today?” invites introspection and honesty. It lets you recap your day and spotlight those moments where they either conquered tasks well or felt like they were wrestling with invisible octopuses.

They can talk about their difficulties and receive the much-needed stress detox. It might start conversations on achieving the elusive work-life balance. 

3. How is it Going with [Specific Issue]?

If you know someone is dealing with a particular challenge or project, this question shows that you remember and are truly invested in their well-being and success. It shows that you are paying attention and that you are willing to have a meaningful conversation about whatever it is.

Prepare for a marathon chat about their triumphs, hurdles, and emotional rollercoaster rides. Be ready to be an active listener. 

4. How Are You Doing Right Now?

Sometimes, a question can be made more impactful with only a small adjustment. “How are you doing right now?” focuses on the present moment and encourages immediate reflection. 

It acknowledges that emotions can fluctuate throughout the day and invites the person to share their current state of mind. This question can be particularly helpful during stressful times or when someone seems off. 

5. How Would You Describe Your Feelings?

Consider posing the question, “How would you describe your feelings?” for a more contemplative method. This question is like a friendly nudge, giving them the chance to also hear themselves aloud and dive into their feelings.

What’s a better way of developing emotional intelligence and having a better comprehension of their inner world?  It allows them to explore and express their emotions in a safe environment.

6. How Can I Make Your Day Easier Right Now?

There are days when people need help but may not be sure others are willing or able to help. Asking how you can make things easier shows a proactive approach to lend a hand. 

Mind reading would be great, but it isn’t part of human superpowers. Allow people to speak their hearts about what they really need. Maybe they’d want you to run an errand, offer a listening ear, or provide practical assistance.

7. What Has Been the Hardest Thing About XYZ?

This is the one question that invites vulnerability and honesty. It builds a closer bond and greater understanding, especially if you weren’t clear about their struggles. This encourages the individual to talk about their difficulties and troubles. 

It’s a great tact when your friend needs to build resilience and when you need to dole out some well-meaning emotional high-fives.

8. What Has Improved for You Today?

On a more positive note, asking, “What has improved for you today?” shifts the focus to progress and achievements. This question nudges folks to ponder their wins and share their favorite moments.

Occasionally, we need a little reflection to realize we’re actually winning in the game of life. If you look closely, there is plenty to be grateful for.

9. What Would You Like to Talk About?

For a more open-ended approach, try asking, “What would you like to talk about?” This question gives the person the freedom to steer the conversation in any direction they choose.

It shows that you’re open to discussing whatever is on their mind and willing to listen without any agenda. By leaving the topic up to them, you’re empowering them to share what’s most important or relevant at the moment.

10. How Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

It cannot be said enough: Self-care is not selfish. Asking someone how their self-care emphasizes that. It serves as a gentle reminder to put self-care first and even offers advice and tricks. 

This is a great step toward establishing a culture of wellness.

11. What Are You Reading Lately?

Getting into the newest book or podcast episode is like starting a campfire for intense discussions about reading and education for bookworms and podcast enthusiasts. Turning pages is one way to open a secret door to exchange ideas.

Additionally, their reading pattern reveals their emotional state and what interests them most.

12. What Would Make You Feel Loved Today?

If you want to show someone you care, try casually asking about their needs and desires. It’s like handing them a little post-it that says, “Your happiness is my priority!” It’s a simple way to show you care about their well-being.

This is you opening your arms to them and heartwarming moments of love and support. Create chances for meaningful connections;  small gestures, a kind word, or spending quality time together go a long way. 

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